Page 3 of Open Water
I never spoke this out loud but Emily deserved to know.
"Then what happened?" She asked.
"I don't know the feelings came back. I was mostly angry."
"And the summer before sophomore year?"
I let out a breath. "I was fighting it. Then this year—"
"I know." Her eyebrows furrowed not wanting to hear it again. "So I was the rebound?"
"No Emily. I had feelings for you."
"But you still had feelings for him?"
"I don't—yes—I guess."
She nodded, her eyes meeting mine. Taking it all in. I could see the memories flying through her mind from our time together.
"We had a great time together Emily."
"Yeah." She looked away as a tear trickled down her face.
"I'm sorry," I said.
She wiped her cheek and looked back to me.
"Are you gay?" she asked. Direct. No judgment in the tone, just a person who needed the truth.
"No. I'm bi."
I said it with the most certainty I had ever said it. Because it was the truth. I was turned on by guys and girls. But I was starting to realize that it wasn't about that. It was the person that I wanted. And there was something about Alex that Emily just didn't have. There was something about our connection that was beyond anything I had ever experienced.
She nodded slowly.
"So it wasn't that you couldn't be attracted to women."
"No."
"It was that you couldn't be attracted to me."
"It wasn't—" I stopped. Tried again. "I was attracted to you. But it was never—" I ran my hand through my hair. The words were wrong. All of them were wrong. I just had to say the truth. "With Alex, it's like something in my body makes the decision. Something I can't control. And you deserve someone that feels that way about you."
Her jaw tightened. She looked away toward the window.
"You know what the worst part is?" she said. "It's not that you're bi. It's not that you fell for someone else. People fall out of love, Liam. It happens. I could have handled that."
She turned back to me.
"It's that youcheated. And youlied. You made me feel crazy for asking questions when you knew the answers the whole time."
I didn't flinch. Didn't look away. Took it.
"You could have just broken up with me. Said you were confused. Said anything." Her voice harder now, the anger arriving, and it was worse than I expected because it was controlled. Emily's anger wasn't heat, it was clarity. "Instead I had to find out by watching you kiss him, Liam."
My eyes were burning. I pressed my palms against my thighs.
"I was a coward. That's not an excuse. It's what happened."
