Page 13 of Open Water
"Emily came to my door."
His fingers pressed gently against my skin.
"She's dating someone new. Wanted to talk before she could really move on."
"What did you tell her?"
"Everything. That I'm bi. You. All of it."
"Wow. How was it?"
"Hard. She was angry about the lying. Not the bi thing." I stared at the coffee cup in my hands. "She said I should stop running from the hard conversations."
Alex's thumb started moving. Small circles below my ear.
"She's right," he said.
"Yeah. She is." I leaned into his hand. Then pulled back. "But Alex — you're talking about telling the world."
"I'm not asking you to come out."
"I know you're not."
"Then—"
"I'm saying I'm not there yet." My voice came out rougher than I wanted.
He was quiet for a moment.
"Okay," he said.
Alex looked away, I could see the gears turning in his head. Processing something.
"Liam." He turned back to me. "Does anyone else know about you?"
"Noah."
"That's two people."
"And Remy."
"Three. And Ethan knows so that's four."
The thought of so many people knowing made me nervous but kind of relieved. That many people knew and nothing had gotten out and nothing bad had happened.
"To be honest Alex. I don't even know what would happen if I came out. I just feel like it could mess with my rowing career. And that's all I have."
"I get it." His thumb moved again. "I guess I'll have to follow your lead."
"Alright. What if it's after college?"
"I don't know. I guess I'd have to wait then."
Alex took the last bite of his bagel and I sipped my coffee as we both stared off into the river behind the trees.
"We don't have to rush. I don't even know if I'm ready. "
The tension that was building relaxed. The thought of people knowing about me, or us, scared the shit out of me.
