Page 45 of Alpha's Rejected Warrior
My fingers tighten around his. “I see why Thea is so important to you. Why you were so adamant about knowing she was safe when we first met.”
He nods, a small smile reaching his lips before it falls away. “What about you?” He changes the subject out of nowhere. “What about Xander? Do you still love him?”
The last question catches me off guard, and my hand goes rigid against his skin. My first instinct is to deflect, to build mywalls higher. But he’s given me his truth, raw and unfiltered. I owe him the same.
“I— Part of me will always care for him, I’m sure. We grew up together, trained together. He’s my Alpha, and I’ve devoted my life to serving him. For years, I believed it was our destiny to lead together.” I look away and gaze up at the stars. “But, loving someone who can never fully love you back, it hollows you out over time.”
“And he’ll never love you back because of Thea?” Ethan’s voice is careful, like he’s not sure he should ask.
“Because of fate,” I correct him. “True matehood doesn’t happen through choice alone. I understood that, intellectually, even when it first happened. But understanding doesn’t stop the hurt. I meant what I said the other night. I accept his bond with Thea. Looking back now, I realize Xander and I fought constantly. We’re two headstrong, natural-born leaders, each refusing to yield even when it came to our relationship. He and Thea complement each other in ways we never did. It feels more fitting to be his Commander than to be his mate, despite our rocky journey to get here.”
I take a shaky breath. “But, the hardest part of being in command is the loneliness. Everyone looks to you for strength, for answers. There’s no room for doubt, for weakness... for grief. There’s no one to talk to about that.”
“I’ve never broken down like I did with you, the other night,” I admit. “Not in front of anyone. Not even Xander has ever seen me at my weakest. Especially now, when everyone looks at me as the bitter almost Luna, I feel like I have to be in control all the time.”
“That sounds exhausting.”
A small laugh escapes me, and it surprises me. “It is. Being around you, though...it’s like my walls don’t want to stay up anymore. That terrifies me.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know who I am without them.”
Ethan puts his arm around me with a gentle hesitancy that stills every thought in my head, as if he’s still unsure whether I’ll pull away. I don’t. Instead, I lean my head on his shoulder, enjoying the solid warmth of him beneath my cheek. His scent envelops me, allowing my wolf to settle contentedly within. Touching him spreads a sense of comfort through my body that I haven’t felt in longer than I can remember. It’s like finding shelter from a storm I didn’t realize I was still weathering.
The memory of Haron flirting with him surfaces. It made me so angry when he was just being kind to her.
“Ethan?”
His head dips as he looks down at me.
“I’m sorry for getting upset with you about Haron. It wasn’t your fault.”
He smirks and looks away, back up at the sky. “I know.”
Of course he knows.My face flushes even more than it did when we were leaving the infirmary.
“But since we’re apologizing,” he says, “I should also apologize for— for what happened between us the other night. I feel like I might’ve taken advantage of you.”
I look up at him, stunned. “Taken advantage? Ofme?”
“You were upset, and I should have stepped back. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so confused about how you feel about me.”
“You’re not the reason I’m confused,” I scoff. “I was confused long before you came along.”
Ethan shifts to face me directly, and I can see every ounce of earnestness in his eyes. “Look, whatever this is between us,” he gestures to himself and me, “I’ll follow your lead. If you say we’re just friends and it was a one-time thing, that’s what it’ll be.”
His words hang in the air between us, honest and undemanding. No one has ever given me this kind of choicebefore without hidden expectations or pressure. Just acceptance of whatever I decide.
“And if I want more?” The question slips out before I can stop it. “Would you be content with just friendship?”
His fingers brush my cheek, and every nerve in my body lights up. “Being with you is the only thing I’ve felt certain about in my life.”
A knot in my chest breaks loose inside me at his words. This human who owes me nothing, who I once threatened to kill, is offering what I’ve never truly had. Acceptance without condition.
Chapter 18 — Ethan
“Being with you is the only thing I’ve felt certain about in my life.” The second the words leave my mouth, I want to claw them back.
