Page 33 of Alpha's Rejected Warrior
Chapter 12 — Rhiannon
All the pressure has finally gotten to me. That has to be the explanation for last night.
The light from the sky outside is starting to change. Dawn will be upon us at any moment. Usually, around this time, I’d already be on my way to the training grounds.
I look over at Ethan, sound asleep, like a child. He’s lying on his stomach, the sheets just barely covering his backside. The scratches I left on his back catch my eye. None of them are more than superficial, thank Goddess for that. At least I had enough self-control not to really hurt him.
Under the blue light of early morning, I can’t deny that he’s a beautiful creature to gaze upon. Now that there’s no one around to judge me for stealing a glance, I can seize this moment to really take him in. His hair looks almost black in the dim light, a far cry from its normal chestnut color. I follow the lines of his face with my eyes — the strong shape of his jaw, the rounded curve of his bottom lip, still slightly swollen from where I bit it. His gentle breaths brush against my face.
I could love him. If he were one of us, I could see myself perhaps taking him as my mate one day. Although, he would have to learn to fight better if he was ever going to be by a Commander’s side.
I have to look away and deny myself any further indulgence. This was a mistake. Giving myself to Ethan in a moment of despair was a rash act, a decision that I’m going to have to put behind me.
My throat tightens as I recall how I broke down in front of him yesterday. I’ve never lost control like that in front of anyone. Even Xander never saw me at my weakest moments. Yet, somehow, this human managed to be there for me at my most vulnerable, when my walls were crumbling like they were made of sand instead of stone.
What is it about him that makes me forget myself?The thought terrifies me more than facing a dozen rogues alone. I’m theCommander. I don’t break down or cry, and I damn sure don’t seek comfort in the arms of someone under my authority.Especiallynot a human.
Ancient tales from my childhood surface in my mind. Stories of the few human-Lycan pairings known to history are usually recounted by the Elders as warnings. “Always ended in blood or exile,” they would say. The laws of Clarion are clear on this matter. Relations with humans are forbidden. Full stop. The risk to our world is too great.
I sit up, intending to slip out of bed without waking Ethan. I swing my feet to the floor, and a moment later, I feel movement on the bed, followed by his warm hand on the bare skin of my back.
I look over my shoulder at him. He’s lying on his side with a loose, half-awake smile aimed at me. “It’s early. Come back to bed.”
“It’s nearly dawn.” I pull the blanket aside. “I have to get to the training grounds. And so do you, for that matter.”
“Let’s just skip it. I’m sure everyone would appreciate a break.”
I turn away from him. If he can’t see my face, he can’t read me. “This was nice, Ethan. I won’t lie to you about that.”
“But?”
I stand up, grab my robe from its place on the edge of my bed, and put it on. I’ve spent the last few minutes mentally rehearsing what I was going to say to him. What does one say in a situation like this? We’ve just spent all night in bed together.
What he doesn’t know is how whole it made me feel to be with him. I haven’t felt like that since Xander.
But Ethan’s human. He has no place with me. He barely has a place in Clarion.
I decide to face him. There’s no point in hiding when we both know the truth. He takes one look at me, and his smile fades. “Give me a break, Rhiannon. It can’t matter that much.”
“How can you say that? After everything? Alpha Xander had to ask permission for you to be here at all. It matters.”
He regards me, and his jade eyes connect with mine. “It didn’t matter to you last night.”
“Ethan . . .” Goddess, those eyes. They’re pulling me back in, making everything inside me go soft. I look away again. “Last night was a mistake. I was upset. That’s all.”
He cocks his head. “Do you always sleep with people in times of crisis? Is that a Lycan thing?”
“I’m serious. What happened last night . . . It really can’t happen again.”
He sits up, pulling the sheets around him. “Funny. You say that, but we both know that’s not what you really want, is it.” He speaks the question like a statement.
Just like the first time we met, he can see the truth in my face. He can probably hear it in my voice. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be,” I say.
Ethan nods, looking down at his hands for a moment. “All right, then.” He gets out of bed with the sheet still wrapped around his waist. “For what it’s worth, last night was the first time in a really long time that I felt like I’d found what I was missing. I’m glad that it was with you.”
He gives me a sweet, sad smile, then leaves. I just sit there with an ache spreading behind my ribs. This feels like a cruel injustice, but if I’ve learned anything over the last year, it’s that nothing in this life is fair.
I manage to get dressed and out to the training grounds just as the sun rises. Branson and Jayme are already there, practicing with one another. From the looks of things, Branson’s been busy showing Jayme defensive techniques.
