Page 23 of Alpha's Rejected Warrior
What he’s really saying is clear:You’ve failed at the one task I gave you.
I stand straighter, shoulders back, refusing to show how deeply his implied criticism cuts. Of course, the Luna’s wishes always come first. She is carrying his heir, after all. I lead elite guards against fierce enemies, yet couldn’t protect one fragile human during a training session. The irony stings.
“I believe that if he becomes conditioned for battle, he may do well,” I offer. “Or at least well enough for his kind.”
Xander regards me, his brow knitting together in contemplation, “Do you really believe that?”
Do I?
I pause, choosing my next words carefully. “Well. . .I believe that if he’s still willing after this, then we should allow him to try.”
He nods slowly. “All right. I will defer to your judgment. But please watch out for him. If he can’t handle it, get him out of there immediately. We’ll put him on the housekeeping staff until we hear back from the Alpha King if we have to.”
“Understood, My Lord.” I nod and take my leave.
The idea of Ethan cleaning the floors of the fortress should be appealing, but it isn’t. It would mean that I failed as Commander to train him properly, and failed to complete the direct orders of my Alpha and Luna.
First rejected as Xander’s mate, now failing as his Commander of the Guard. These disappointments must be intertwined, as if my unworthiness to become Luna portended my inability to lead. I wonder if Xander sees it too. Does he regret putting his trust in me?
I push those thoughts away before they can take root. I can’t afford such weakness, not when I have a pack to protect and a human to keep alive.
After two weeks, I’m back into the rhythm of my work. Or at least, I’m trying to get back into it.
Lady Gemma received word from the Alpha King yesterday. Though I haven’t seen the letter myself, she made it crystal clear that he’s displeased with our “human situation.” Still, Ethan is allowed to stay through the summit, after which he will reevaluate.
What surprises me most is the wave of relief I felt knowing the Alpha King didn’t order Ethan’s execution.
If I’m being honest, I’m beginning to admire him a little. Perhaps it’s because he’s so willing to prove that he can survive here. Thus far, I’ve been true to my word to Xander that as long as Ethan wants to keep training, I will support it. Despite the scrapes he’s suffered and how often he needs to see Olcan, Ethan keeps coming back and joining the fray.
Human or not, I like his tenacity.
As a bonus, his human physiology has proven to be a good tool for teaching control to the newer trainees. Particularly Jayme. I’ve noticed he’s putting more thought into his moves before executing them. He’s also been committed to joining Branson during his morning walks. I’ve even seen them drinking Blackroot tea and meditating in the garden behind the Great Hall. It gives me hope that Jayme can be rehabilitated.
Still, the ghosts of my own past linger. Yesterday morning, I walked by a collection of nobles – young mothers watching over their whelps as they played in the courtyard. The moment I came into earshot, their voices softened, and they all turned their attention towards me. They offered smiles and respectful bows of their heads, but they remained quiet until I was well past them and then the discussions started right back up again.
It’s obvious what they’re doing and I hate it. I can’t do anything except focus on my job, but every day that gets harder to do.
I’m currently lying wide-awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling. In the quiet of my room, it seems like the snickering whispers are as loud as screams. I swear I can hear their judgment through the very walls.
Enough of this.If I’m going to be awake, I might as well work through my anxiety on the training grounds.
I get up and dress before making my way through the moonlit night to the empty training grounds. I start practicing some of my forms. The dust kicks up under my feet. The air moves with my fists and swirls around me as I confront imaginary attackers. And before I know it, my mind shifts back into the past.
We were enjoying a few precious minutes stolen from a day like any other. Just us, wrapped in a cocoon of peace while the daily chaos churned outside the room. Xander’s mother came in and wanted to talk to him, so I left.
Thinking about it hurts. Still.
That was the moment my life fractured in two: Before Thea, and After Thea.
When I saw him again, he’d become someone else. An Alpha summoned by the Moon Goddess to fulfill a destiny with another woman for the survival of his pack.
When I dig deeper, I realize that I’m not angry at him or Thea. It’s never been about them.
I was so sure he wasthe one. Everything just fell into place so easily. It all made sense back then. And now that I know we weren’t meant to be...
I stop, out of breath, eyes burning with tears.Where does that leave me?
Being Xander’s mate and becoming his Luna wasn’t part of the Moon Goddess’ plan, but what is? Is my purpose to serve as an Alpha’s Commander, and that’s it? Perhaps the MoonGoddess doesn’t intend for me to find love. Love is a liability that could jeopardize my duty to safeguard my pack.
