Page 83 of Hold Me Close
I gestured to the nightstand and kicked off my otherhigh heel.
He reached out with one of his long arms and opened the drawer, finding the box of condoms I’d felt foolish buying earlier this week. While he opened it and tore one of the packets off the strip, my hands massaged him through the thin cotton that was all that stood between us. His deep, satisfied moan snaked heat through my veins.
The question formed in my mind, and I asked it before realizing how truly scary it was. “Am I going to wake up alone tomorrow?”
“Yes,” he all but growled. “Almost anything could get me out of this bed.”
He pulled down his boxers and tore open the wrapper. Bathed in white moonlight, I watched him roll the condom on, and as soon as it was done, he came back to me. His mouth claimed mine in a passionate kiss, not dominating or aggressive, but the one that made me tumble out of control. The nuclear one that had now become my favorite.
“Choose your lies wisely,” he whispered. “You’ve only got two left, and I’m going to start asking the hard questions now.”
“Oh, thehardones?” I gripped him fiercely, and he moaned.
“Fuck, you make me crazy.” He pulled my hands away, placing them on his shoulders as he positioned himself between my legs.
“Yeah? Right back at you?—”
He slid inside me in one thrust, stealing my breath. He held still, letting me accommodate his size, and then, movement. Slow, unhurried, and so unbelievably good I was ready to explode.
“Why don’t you do relationships?”
No, this again?I wrapped my arms tight behind his neck. “Come on.”
Breaking away from my strong hold was easy for him. He rose up on his arms, distributing his weight so he could find my knee and slip his fingers beneath the band of lace justabove it. “You know, I wanted you to keep these on. Such a shame.” He eased it down below my knee. “You can do the rest. I’m busy.”
He gave a deep, toe-curling thrust.
I gasped and my eyes threatened to roll back into my head. The effect of him was overwhelming. I felt delirious. My hand left his shoulder and yanked the rest of the stocking down, flinging the silk off.
“What is it? Baggage from some asshole in the past?” He kissed me, and it tasted like encouragement. Or persuasion. It was getting hard to think.
“No.” I wished it were that simple. That would be easier to deal with and get over. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why don’t you do relationships, Olivia?” His lips moved along my throat.
“Please.” I despised how weak my voice sounded.
Beneath me, the mattress sank as his knees shifted closer. It was so he could rise all the way up but stay connected to me and strip the last lie from my body.
“Ethan, don’t.” My frustration was red-hot and it threatened to bubble over, but beneath it lurked another emotion. A scary one he somehow knew I buried inside myself, because maybe he felt the same way. There was a desperation to put it into words, share it, and for once to not feel so alone.
“Tell me,” he half-demanded, half-pleaded. He moved inside me, and my traitorous body responded. I couldn’t talk like this, but dear God, I didn’t want him to stop either. “Tell me,” he said again, chanting it back to me like our first time under the mosquito netting.
“I killed those men on the mountain.”
He slowed to a stop. The only sound was our heavy breathing.
Then, he spoke. “You feelguiltyabout that? Shit, it was you or them.”
“No,” I snapped. “I know that. But since that night,something’s wrong with me. My heart doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. It’s just cold.” The words wouldn’t stop coming. “It’s empty. I don’t feel anything below the surface, like I’m not even alive.”
He took an enormous breath, his gaze unblinking. When I tried to slip away, he seized my waist. “Wait a minute.”
I was shaking, verging on overload. “For what?”
“What you said in the office. What you accused me of doing to you.”
My heartbeat came to a grinding halt.
