Page 59 of In Their Hearts
I told her about Clay and Grant. About how they were the ones who cracked me open without trying. How being with them made me feel safe in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
She nodded. “That sounds like a good connection. And that’s not something to punish yourself for.”
Now I’m sitting in my car, staring at this black brick. I take an extra minute, taking another breath. I can do this. No more threats. No more stalkers. Just me and this life.
With surprisingly steady hands, I turn my phone back on. It immediately lights up and vibrates. Over and over.
Missed calls. Voicemails. Texts.
All from Clay. His voice is frantic. Worried. Asking why I didn’t answer my door. Asking where the hell I am.
Deep down, I wanted it to be him. I didn’t want him to worry, not about me.
My throat tightens. How do I answer him? I’m just coming out of this spiral and my fears. But I can’t have him thinking the worst either.
Then a new text pops up, and it pauses all my thoughts.
Hi Jo. Please put my husband out of his misery. Text us back so we know you’re okay. We miss you.
I stare at it for a long time.
This is real.
Clay isn’t dead. He’s okay.
And Grant… he misses me, too?
That part lands differently. He loves his husband so deeply that it feels impossible for me to matter alongside that.
My eyes burn. I don’t remember the last time someone worried about me like this. Wanted me like this. And maybe they both do? One of my assignments is to build my support system, and I’ve never felt more supported than I do with them.
I want to see them.
I’m terrified to see them.
I still feel broken, and I don’t know how long it will last. I don’t know how long this journey will be for me. What do I even say?
I miss you?
I don’t have nightmares when I’m with you?
You both make me feel safe?
Instead, I type.
* * *
Hi.
* * *
I stare at it. That’s it? That’s all I have? It’s a start.
A second later, my phone vibrates. Startled, I almost drop my phone.
* * *
Hi, Jo. It’s Grant.
