Page 67 of My Duke, The Stranger
“I liked him,” Thomas said as they settled back down.
Isolde laughed as she looked back toward the manor. A change had occurred that day, and she could feel it in her heart as well as her soul. It wouldn’t be enough to change Cassian’s mind entirely; there was still some way to go, but she knew that thiswas the first step. A necessary one. And honestly, she could not wait to take the second.
“I like him too,” she said to Thomas as she turned back. Truer words had never been spoken.
Twenty-Seven
Cassian stood in the doorway of the drawing room, back just a little, hidden by the night’s dark shadows so that he wouldn’t be seen. Standing there as he was, the view given to him was one that made him feel things that he did not wish to feel, while at the same time, he had finally started to concede that maybe such feelings were not so bad.
Isolde sat alone in the drawing room.
She was by the fire, her legs curled under her, the warm light of the flames making her glow orange; she shone, a beacon that he could not look away from, nor did he want to. She had a book in her hands, and the smile on her face was soft, honest, and happy.
For so long, Cassian had wanted to hate Isolde for what she had done. He had tried to. He had forced such feelings as if his life depended on it. But the harder he pushed, the more his conscience fought against him.
To put it simply, Cassian knew that he could not hate her. What was more, he did not want to.
The hate he felt was for himself. The memories that surged in his mind were of who he had been before the accident, and who he had tried to be since he learned of Isolde’s lies. That was a man to hate, and so Cassian did not hold back.
Worse too, he believed it was for the best. Knowing little of his past, Cassian conceded that his true nature was not who people now saw but who he had once been. And to protect himself, he had forced that image onto those he knew and loved, refusing to consider that the goodness in him was real.
He knew the truth of it now. He knew why he had acted as a monster for so long. He knew why he pushed people away. And he knew why he was so afraid of a past that he did not remember, but one that he allowed to shape him, nonetheless.
Fear was what drove him. Better to be hated and miserable, than loved and alone. Or so he had thought…
Isolde thought differently. She saw him for who he could be, and she refused to give up. Yes, his past was painful, but was ignoring that pain worth the cost? Was it worth being hated and alone just so that he might escape his past and refuse the pain it brought?
What do I want? To be loved… to be hated… to feel nothing?
Cassian had tried so hard to return to who he once was, convinced it had to be for the best. But something had changed inside of him, a dull flame thought dead, slowly flickering to life. Today, when he met Isolde’s brother and sister, he witnessed first-hand what it meant to have those in your life who cared for you.
It felt good to be accepted like that. It felt good to forget about the past and focus on the present. To care… to love and be loved… the dull flame inside of Cassian flickered gently, and for once he did not try to smother it.
Yes, he was scared. Yes, he thought it would be easier to walk away and stick with what he had been doing. But as he looked at Isolde, as he watched that smile on her face, and as he thought about her words and the very real fact that she believed in him, he knew that he had to at least try.
And maybe, if he was lucky, he could be the man that she saw in him.
It sounds so easy… so right. I only wish that it were.
“Isolde…” Cassian stepped into the drawing room.
She looked up, saw him coming, and the smile that grew on her lips told him that his decision was the right one. She truly did believe in him, just as she wanted him to believe in himself.
“Cassian.” She closed her book. “What are you doing?” Her eyes narrowed, and she chuckled. “You weren’t spying on me, were you?”
“There is something I wish to show you,” he said. “If you have a few minutes?”
“Oh.” She considered. “Might I ask what it is?”
“You might,” he said, allowing the faintest smile. “But that would ruin the surprise.”
She narrowed her eyes again as if she might argue, but he knew that she would do no such thing. The last time that they had spoken alone, he had all but told her that he might send her away to spare her having to see him turn back into the man he had once been. So, that he was coming to her with a so-called surprise, was surely enough to suggest that he had changed his mind.
“Lead the way.” She stood up and walked toward him.
The urge to take her hand came over Cassian, and he had to fight to resist it.
“This way.” He turned and strode from the room, and he smiled as he listened to her footsteps following him.
