Page 34 of My Duke, The Stranger
I am a good man, and this will prove it so.
They spent the next few minutes saddling the horses. When they were ready, Cassian insisted on lifting Isolde into her saddle. He did so with his hands around her waist, and she did not shrink back or go rigid at his touch.
In fact, as he lifted her, it was as if she gave herself to him fully. There was trust there, and for a few glorious seconds, Cassian was able to forget his woes, able to simply appreciate that he had this woman in his life… that he was this lucky.
They rode from the estate together.
As with most things, riding came easily to Cassian, and as soon as he pushed the horse across the sweeping meadows of the estate, he felt an intrinsic sense of comfort, as if he had done this hundreds of times before. It was so strange how that worked; he could not remember his own father but felt as if he could ride this horse as he had been doing his entire life.
They spoke little on the trip, which was on purpose. Cassian had so much to say and did not want to say it until they were alone, walking, somewhere that he could look into Isolde’s eyes and see the truth of whatever answer she gave him.
But she laughed as she rode. She smiled. The sun shone across her shoulders, and never had anything looked so beautiful and perfect.
Maybe I am still dreaming? If so, I hope I never wake up.
They reached the shores of the beach after an hour of riding. As expected, Cassian remembered nothing of what he saw. Gray sand. Murky water. The smell of salt in the air that wasn’t at all familiar.
“Anything at all?” Isolde asked as they climbed from their horses and started toward the sandy shore.
“Not a thing,” he said with a furrowed brow as he looked up and down the shoreline. “Not even a little…”
“It will come back.” She reached down and took his hand. “Do not let it get you down.”
He looked at her hand, wrapped around his own, and he felt her touch spread up his arm and pierce his heart. Again, such a small gesture, but it meant more than words could say.
“Isolde, there is something I have been meaning to talk to you about.” He looked ahead as they reached the sand, and he continued to do so as they started along the length of the beach.
“Oh?”
They stayed away from the water, not wanting to get wet. But the spray from the ocean was felt on Cassian’s face, and the cool breeze whipped Isolde’s hair behind her.
“My memories are starting to return,” he said.
She hesitated. “That’s… that is wonderful.” Her voice cracked as if she did not believe it.
“Not in any way that is significant,” he said to her as they walked. “They are barely even fragments. They are more like feelings… like when you wake from a dream that you cannot remember, even if you somehow know what it is about. Does that make sense?”
“I think so.”
“The thing is…” He grimaced, still unable to look at her. “The more that I remember, the more that I come to realize something about myself.” A quick glance, and he saw her furrowed brow as she watched him. “I suspected it when I first arrived back at the estate. The way the staff behaves around me. Even Mr. Pemberton, while he is an honest man who I know cares for me, there are signs in what he says that suggest…” His throat grew tight.
“Suggest what?”
“Jokes I make. Even when I smile…” He winced. “He looks at me as if in surprise. As if he cannot imagine me saying the things I do or acting the way that I act.”
She said nothing, but he sensed her worry, as if she knew where this was going, just as she was unable to steer him from the path. His palm started to sweat in her hand.
“I fear that the man I am right now… that he is not…” He cleared his throat. “That he is a lie. In fact, I am all but certain that if I were to remember everything, especially who I am, that I might not recognize that man. That I might, in fact, loathe who he is.”
“Cassian…” Her voice broke again.
“Tell me the truth.” He stopped and turned to face her. “Are you with me because you want to be, or because you are scared of what might happen if you try to leave?”
Her eyes widened, and her face paled. Cassian saw the truth in her eyes.It is just as I feared…
“You do not have to fear me, Isolde,” he said softly, looking away because he could not bear to see the fear in her eyes. “Just as you do not have to lie to me. When we met, did I force you to be with me?”
“What? No! Never.”
