Page 122 of The Shrouded Queen
I glanced over my shoulder, but Rade’s eyes were closed. He was still asleep.
I should wake him up.
But as long as we remained here, in this bed, the terror that awaited me outside didn’t exist. Rade sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer, and incrementally, I relaxed. It was nice, being held. Warm and comforting. Slaves in Khada Palace did not touch, let alone hug. So when Rade curled himself around me, a small smile lifted my lips.
But then his leg slipped between mine, and his hand drifted higher over my stomach until it rested just beneath my breast. My heart kicked into motion as I tensed once more.
“Rade,” I whispered.
He mumbled incoherently and shifted again, nuzzling further into my hair, his beard softly scratching the sensitive skin there, and an inadvertent shiver worked through me. His hand on my ribs moved higher, cupped my breast, and I blurted,“Rade.”
He stilled behind me, and the world ground to a halt. My breathing was too loud in the silent room, my heart like a drum.
After an eternity of putting together the pieces of what had been happening, he pulled his arm away, eased his body back a few inches. I cringed into the quiet. Swallowing hard, I turned onto my back.
Rade stared at me across the pillow, light brown eyes hazy with sleep—and something else. He scanned my face, which I was sure was the same shade as his runes. His thick beard framed his jaw, his full lips, and his long black hair spilled over his shoulders.
He didn’t say anything, and neither did I; he didn’t move, and I could hardly breathe. Then his eyes dropped to my lips like they had last night, and my breath caught.
I almost pulled away, reasoning that tonight was Amunet’s Igniting, so there was no more need for a ruse. But I hesitated.
This was Rade. Beautiful, kind Rade. My friend. In a few moments, he wouldn’t be my friend any longer, but right now, he wanted to kiss me. The only kiss I’d ever have before my purpose was served and I was executed. I might not have felt intense desire toward him, but I didn’t think kissing Rade would be any great sacrifice. In fact, it would probably be as nice as his cuddle, as the rune-touching. A pleasant memory to cherish while my life slipped away.
Slowly, giving me plenty of time to pull back, he leaned across the pillow. I tipped my face toward his and our lips touched.
It was such a small, soft kiss. Sweet. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to feel, maybe something akin to the buzzing adrenaline that had surged through me when Keir had touched me during the Lunar Feast. But as Rade swept his lips over mine a second time, all I could think was that it was pleasant enough. Rade’s arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer, reeling me into his warmth, pressing me tightly against him. He held me like he needed me, and that, more than the kiss itself, made me relax into him.
Rade smelled like cedarwood. It reminded me of my cabin. Cozy and safe. And his body was sturdy against mine. None of Keir’s knee-quaking bulk, but lovely.
It occurred to me that I probably shouldn’t be thinking of Keir so much when I was kissing Rade. Trying to lock down that part of my brain, I let Rade’s tongue coax open the seam of my lips. Histongue swept in, and Rade moaned softly into my mouth. The kiss shifted into something less sweet and more hungry.
His hand left my cheek, sliding down my shoulder and side. He draped my leg over his waist, fitting my hips to his, his hardness digging into my thigh. I made a small sound of surprise, which only seemed to encourage him further.
Rade rolled me onto my back and made quick work of the clasps down the front of my tunic. I detached my lips from his, breathing hard. “Rade—”
“Amunet,” he groaned as he trailed kisses down my jaw, my throat, following the path of my neckline as he peeled it away.
Too fast. This was too fast. I wasn’t ready—I didn’t even know—it was only supposed to be a kiss—
“Gods, you’re so beautiful,” he muttered against theXon my chest before he pressed a tender kiss to it, working his way down my chest.
My heart thundered beneath his lips as nerves fizzled through my veins. “Rade.”
“Hm?” He opened my tunic, revealing my breasts. His lips were hot as he kissed down the slope of one. When his tongue brushed over my nipple, I gasped, “Wait, stop.”
He froze instantly, and his head popped up. Hair curtained half his face, billowing slightly with his uneven breaths, but the dazed look of desire quickly cooled. “What’s wrong?”
“Sorry, I… I didn’t mean…” Fire branded my cheeks. All at once, I realized how foolish and naïve I was. I never should have kissed him, not while in his bed. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.
“Oh.” His eyes widened. “Oh my gods.” He rolled off me onto his back, chest heaving as he looked at nothing but the ceiling. “I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It was my fault—”
“No.”He sighed and rubbed his eyes, pushing hard. “No, it was mine. Kaldfold isn’t strict about virtue, and I just assumed Ashorahwas the same. I said I wouldn’t force myself on you and I just did and I’m— Fuck, I’m so sorry.” When he opened his eyes again to look at me, I saw sincere regret.
Mortification branded itself into my soul as I held my tunic closed. “No, please, I didn’t— It was a good kiss. I just wasn’t expecting…” I trailed off, feeling pathetic and stupid, stomach curdling like months-old kefir.
It was true that Ashorah encouraged virtue among its women, but Amunet had never listened to those rules. She would have handled that so much better. She certainly wouldn’t have shrieked in Rade’s ear right after he’d called her beautiful.
