Page 28 of You've Got Hate Mail
“Heath’s a really good guy,” Ginny says. “He’s basically a woman with how well he fits in here with us. None of us ever even think about the fact that he has a penis.”
They both look at my shirt again, then back at my face.
“Who has a fat penis?” Pip asks from behind us.
“Walter,” Ginny and Mabel reply together.
“No, I’ve seen his penis. It’s skinny, but it’s also long. Though that might be the effect of eighty years of gravity.”
“Who’s Walter?” I whisper as Aunt Pip wanders away from us and toward the kitchen. She’s in a long, flowing white nightgown, with her silver hair up in tiny curlers.
“Neighbor,” Ginny whispers back. “He’s in love with Pip. His daughter, Winona, manages our fields.”
“Aunt Pip wears pajamas?” I whisper back.
Ginny nods. “Every night.”
“She’s living her best life,” Mabel murmurs.
Someone knocks on the front door.
Mabel and Ginny look at each other, then at me.
“It’s just a few days,” Ginny says.
“But if you’re not up for it, we’ll find…something else.”
The way Mabel makes the offer tells me it’ll be a couch at best.
Or an air mattress.
I can roll with a lot of things, but my body’s been through a little bit today. And given my current inability to function like an adult, I’d probably pop it.
A couch probably isn’t a good solution either.
I feel seventy instead of two weeks past my thirtieth birthday.
And I probably still would even without all of the excitement of today, given how I was already feeling for having lived in my car on the drive here.
I square my shoulders.
You brought this on yourself, Cricket. Now do the hard things.
“He was very kind this morning, and it’s not like he saw anything the rest of the world hasn’t seen,” I say to my hosts. “Though I probably need to apologize for punching him in the face. And for flashing his daughter?”
“Aunt Pip flashes everyone all the time,” Mabel tells me.
“I donotbashanyoneexcept for Dean,” Pip says.
“Flash.” Mabel points at her own boobs. “You’re a nudist. You flash people.”
Pip fluffs her hair. “I’m not a flutist, but thank you for thinking I could be.”
Mabel doesn’t correct her this time, and instead, looks at me. “You’re sure you’re okay with being in Heath’s basement?” She’s no-nonsense, but she’s also very kind.
“I’m sure.” Ideal? No. But given my other options, I’m grateful that they’re only moving me somewhere else on the property and not kicking me out. My mother would’ve. “And it’s only for a little bit, right?”
Ginny takes my hand and squeezes. “Only for a little bit. And honestly, it’s a cool apartment. Simple but cool. You’ll love it.”
