Page 28 of A Castle in the Sky: Fern & Connor
Fern's breath caught.
"I didn't reply at first," he said. "Then I changed my number, but she got the new one within a week. Photos, voicemails with laughter in the background. Sometimes she'd be crying. Sometimes she'd sound... I don’t know, almost normal. Like we were still sixteen, and she was asking if I wanted to come over and watch a movie." He shook his head.
"And in the middle of all that," he said softly, "you fell pregnant."
A tremor went through Fern. Her hand crept to her stomach, as if feeling a ghost of a long-ago kick.
"It was the best news I'd ever had," Connor said. "And the worst. I can't explain it properly. Part of me felt like I was getting a second chance—this time with someone who loved me back, someone who didn’t twist me up in knots. And another part of me thought,You have no right. You shouldn't be allowed to be a father when you don't even know if you've abandoned one already."
He looked at Fern then, guilt written in every line of his face.
"You remember," he said quietly, "you once asked me why we had such a small wedding."
Fern did remember. She wore a simple dress. A registry office that smelt faintly of old paper and lilies. His mother stood on the side, stiff and disapproving .
"You asked why we didn't invite anyone," Connor continued. "Why my mum was the only family there. Why none of my lot showed up. I told you it was simpler that way." His voice dropped. "But it was because I was terrified you'd back out if you knew."
"I knew if you got even a glimpse of how bad it really was," he said, "you'd look at me and see a man-shaped disaster. And I couldn't bear the thought of you walking away from me. So, I made it small and fast. No chance for anyone to stand up and say something that would blow it all apart."
He laughed once, humourless. "And then it got worse."
Fern's fingers tightened around each other.
"Matilda found out you were pregnant," he said. "She didn't know at first. But about a month before your due date, I sent Sawyer a message."
He closed his eyes briefly. "I'd been getting those pictures of Jacob again. I was... I don't know, weak, guilty. I texted him—said something like, 'He looks happy. I'm glad. I hope he's okay.'"
Fern's mouth went dry.
"She saw it," Connor said flatly. "Sawyer left his phone on the table, and Matilda saw my name. Saw the words and figured out you were pregnant from a throwaway line about me 'joining the sleepless club soon enough'."
He opened his eyes. They were stark. "She called me that night."
Fern could hear it now, in the way his voice hollowed out.
"She said she'd come down if I didn't agree to move back," Connor said. "She said she'd stand in the middle of this nice little life I'd built and tell everyone who would listen that I raped her."
Fern made a strangled sound.
"I didn't know what to do," he whispered. "I was in the kitchen, you were upstairs folding baby clothes, and my ex was on the phone, telling me she'd accuse me of rape if I didn't come back and slot myself into her fucked-up narrative."
He pressed his fingers into his eyes as he went on. "I know she's not well. The meds she won't take, and the drugs she does. I get that when she's high, she does things she might not do otherwise. But that doesn't stop the words existing out here in the real world."
His hand dropped to the table with a soft thud.
"An accusation like that," he said hoarsely, "especially from someone youdidsleep with, someone who was barely legal...that kind of stain never washes off. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. It follows you. It follows you to work. It follows your kid." He glanced at Coral’s drawing.
Fern felt like a vice had tightened around her ribs.
"So, I stalled," Connor said. "I told Matilda we'd talk. That we'd figure something out. I tried to play for time while my life unravelled around the edges. Every message, every call, every 'joke' about what she'd say if I didn't jump when she snapped her fingers... it was like a noose slowly choking me."
He let out a shaking breath. "That's why I convinced you to move back. Why I said it would be good to be closer to 'family'. Why I made it sound like I was doing it for you, so you could have help with thebaby. That's why I'm at Matilda's beck and call now. Why I answer when she rings. Why I turn up to fix her boiler at midnight, even when I've just worked a twelve-hour shift."
He met Fern's eyes.
"Yes, part of it is because I know she's ill, and I feel guilty—I won't pretend otherwise. But more than that, it's because I'm terrified that one day she'll get up, stop taking her meds, and start telling people I raped her."
Silence pressed in from all sides.
