Page 179 of Trouble from Abroad
I gulp down the bubbles for liquid courage. Where do I even start?
“If you’re not letting this go, you have to promise me a few things. First, no judging.”
She gasps, leaning back against the pillows. “I take offense to that. I’d never judge.” Her hand hovers over the top of her head. “Lots of glass houses over here, babes. Go on.”
“Second.” I look her dead in the eyes. “Callie. I’m serious, no one can know. Not even April. Are you sure you can keep this between us?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die. You have no idea the kind of dirt I have on April and Preston, and they are oblivious to it. Comes with being in a trio. Trust me, Mia. And girl, tell me already because my imagination is running wild, and it’s getting scary in there.”
“That’s good. Maybe my plan won’t sound as bad if you’re imagining worse.”
“Is it illegal?”
“In some states.”
“Uhhh. Color me intrigued. Do you need an alibi?”
I nearly topple over laughing. “No, but brownie points to you for offering.”
“Told you. Besties.” She winks and then moans,jumping straight into begging mode. “Ple-eeease end this torture and tell me already.”
“My sex life so far has been… lacking.”
“As in… you’re a virgin?” Callie’s eyes flare wide before she can hide it.
“No.” I snort and refill my glass. “As inlacking fun, enthusiasm,” I lower my head, awkward and a bit embarrassed, “lacking real orgasms too. My sex life so far has been boring. God, that’s even sadder when I say it out loud.” Another bubble-filled flute goes down like a shot. “And I want to change that.”
“I’ve got you. Which dating apps do you have?” The wingwoman in her takes over, eyes now shining with the plans she’s coming up with. “Have you changed your location yet? Oh, there are some really good ones here, invite-only, let me send you the link…”
“Callie, stop, stop. This isn’t a swipe right situation. Remember when I said I had a plan?” I say, staring at my feet.
“Alright, Miss PA. Tell me.”
“That’s the please-don’t-judge-me hard part.”
“Told you I don’t do that, Mia. So it won’t be hard at all. Spill it, girl.”
“I’m hiring an expert to…” I hunch my shoulders and pace my next words, “bang the awkward out of me.”Oh wow, Mia. Great phrasing.I hide my face in my hands, elbows braced on my knees. “Please don’t try to change my mind. It’s embarrassing and I don’t want to talk about it. Sharing this was hard enough.”
I turn to her, eyes begging. “I’m not like you, Callie. Wish I was. You’re freaking gorgeous and so damnconfident. I can’t flirt. I can’t do small talk. I was in awe of you tonight. If you ever give classes on how to turn that many heads at once, I’m enrolling. But that’s not me.”
The pity in her eyes makes me face the bottle in front of us. “My previous experiences sucked. Guys were in and out, literally.” The sound that leaves my mouth should be cataloged as the saddest laugh in the world. “They were embarrassed to be seen with me out of the bedroom. I guess I was nothing more than a warm hole.”
I straighten my posture and tell her what I’ve told myself so many times, I’m utterly convinced now. “So I’m hiring a professional, no strings attached, who will teach me how to be sexy, how to be great in bed?—
“Not great. A sex goddess,” she cuts me off with a finger in the air.
“Damn right, a sex goddess.” Oh great, the liquid courage has turned into delulu serum. “I’ll get laid so much in these three months, I’ll gain the confidence I’ve always lacked.” It makes more sense every time I tell myself this.
“I don’t get it. Is that a cultural thing for you Londoners?” I see where she’s going and crack up into a fit of giggles, trying to keep it down enough not to wake Preston up. “Or did Liam’s bad habits rub off on you?” she adds. “Why do you guys get off on hiring hookers?”
That does it. I dissolve into quiet laughter, clutching my stomach as tears well up and spill down my cheeks. I’m wheezing. Actually wheezing.
“Hey, this is completely different to what Liam used to do,” I say in-between snorts. “It’ll be a one-off thing, albeit in a long-term contract. I want it to be unattached. Clean.Professional. I’ll brief the guy exactly what my needs are. I thought this through, Callie. I have a whole syllabus of things I want to learn. How to give head. How to enjoy anal—if such a thing is even possible.” I let out a laugh that sounds a little too high, a little too forced. “How to ask for what I want. Out loud. Like a grown-up. Or at least like a semi-drunk adult with courage and a safe word.” I cringe into my drink before forcing myself to keep going. “I’ve typed down a comprehensive list. Of what I want to do. Of what I want done to me.” I groan. “It’s basically a step-by-step guide for beginners. A Sex for Dummies handout, if you must.”
Callie lifts a hand. “Stop. You’ve just described a luxury sex package. That’s not educational, Mia. And that already exists. It’s a high-end service where the guy gets to live out one of his fantasies, not just stick it in a hole. You’re just switching the roles. Hey, I can rhyme!”
She’s right. She’s drunk, but right. I realized that as soon as the words left my mouth.
