Page 131 of Poisoned Promise
“With you.” The heaviest two words I’ve ever uttered. “Do you understand, honey?” I’m fighting not to say it because saying it makes it real and risks not only hurting Alex, but kicking up another painful event for my son.
He’s already been through so much.
Alex doesn’t reply. He just stares at you.
“Felix… is your father, honey. And I kept it a secret because, as I said before, I was mistaken in believing he had a hand in my family’s slaughter. But he wasn’t there. He wasn’t involved and for a long time, he had no idea that Caterina was behind it either. I’m sorry I lied and said your father was dead. At the time… to me, he was. And I never intended to ever come back to this life. More fool me, though.” I sigh deeply. “It never lets you go.”
Alex remains quiet.
He sits beside me, deep in thought, and doesn’t speak until the sun sinks low enough to peek through my window. “Is it my fault?”
“What?” I clutch at his shoulder. “Honey, why would you ever think that?”
“Because I stole the car.” He slowly lifts his eyes to meet mine. “If I hadn’t done this, none of this would ever have happened, right?”
Affectionately rubbing his shoulder, I smile. “Alex, it wasn’t anything to do with that. Yes, the car drew some attention but my past would have caught up with me eventually. If it wasn’t the car then it would have been something else. The longer we stayed hidden, the greater the risk of being found. In some ways… you stealing that car created the best situation for us to survive because it brought Felix back to us and without him, I don’t think we would have made it.”
He nods slowly although he doesn’t look entirely convinced.
“How are you feeling?” I ask cautiously. “It’s a lot to take in. Especially… Felix.”
“Does he know?” Alex asks softly. “That I’m his son.”
I nod. “Yes, but he only found out after the fire at his penthouse. He didn’t know before then. I kept that from him.”
He shifts against me and runs his fingers along the seam of his jeans, toying with a loose thread he finds. “I have a dad?”
My chest squeezes as if my cracked ribs have given up trying to hold themselves together. “Yes, honey. You always did. Are you angry with me?”
He meets my gaze. “For what?”
“For hiding all of this from you?”
“I…” His face twists. “I don’t know how I feel. It’s a lot. I sort of feel out of breath.”
“Take your time, honey. Once you process and work out how you’re feeling, we can deal with it.”
“Even if I hate you?” he asks with a small, cheeky smile.
“Even if you hate me.”
Alex nods, seemingly relieved that I won’t villainize him for his feelings. “What about Felix?”
“What about him?” I ask softly.
“Is he going to be… around now?”
My heart screams yes. Finding a love like Felix again after all these years is too painful to consider leaving, but it isn’t about me. Not with Alex in the picture. “Well… honestly, honey, it’s up to you. I… don’t want you in this life but it’s become clear that this life never wants to let me go.”
Alex squints at me. “Are you going to be a crime lord?”
“No, honey.” I laugh. “What I mean is… what you want to do is most important to me. Do you want to leave and be safe? I’ll take you to another country and we’ll live under new names. Do you want to get to know Felix and have him in your life? I can make that happen. Do you want to stay here? As much as it pains me, we could do that too but in that case I would train you to protect yourself more than I have done in the past. I’m not… putting this huge decision on you, don’t get me wrong, but how you feel after you’ve processed everything? That’s what’s important to me.”
Alex suddenly leans in and throws his arms around me. “Thanks, Mom.”
“For what?”
“I was scared you were gonna treat me like a kid and lie to me.”
