Page 118 of City of Snakes
“Did Elsedora put you up to—”
“No, she didn’t. I see the way you war with your physical desire for me—I’ve nowfelt it. And I understand. Our lapse in judgment was just that. I don’t need your heart or your love. And your internal struggle is a distraction we cannot afford.”
My heart was pounding. “What are you saying?”
She answered, “I’d like to remove that conflict for you—a physical relationship between us is off the table.”
My jaw tightened. That was it, then. “You’ve decided against fulfilling the prophecy.”
“No. I’ve decided that a child born from friendship would be better than one born from whatever we’d become after letting anything turbulent happen between us. I need an uncomplicated marriage arrangement; you need an heir. So I would like to set the conditions for you.”
A lump grew in my throat. I’d told El I couldn’t offer Sybilla love, a family, or the comforts she desired.
So why did her acknowledging that suddenly feel so wrong?
“A child born from friendship?”
“We are friends, are we not?” she asked.
“We are.” Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
“Then it can be simple. We keep preparing to face Caym upon the black moon with the hope that I can keep him at bay until we figure out what our heir requires to end his reign.”
She sat up now, with her legs pulled in and her linen dress stretched over her knees. Light crept in from the window, accentuating the lines of her heart-shaped lips and making her pale cheeks glow gold. It was no mystery why two men had beenwilling to roll the dice on an engagement with this woman even after she’d left another jilted.
I didn’t fear being left. But her always being there but an arm’s length out of reach? A creeping sense of dread overtook me.
She offered me the easiest sort of forever, and I was left disappointed. My mouth hung open at the sight of her—honey silk curls escaping at her temples. A monument of beauty.
Beauty that shouldn’t be shackled to a man who would never love her the way she deserved to be loved.
“Why are you willing to do this?”
“Because Death has no place in my realm. Or yours. Despite what a prick you are, I feel our intentions are still aligned, and I don’t want you resenting me later.” Sybilla leveled a contemplative look at my mouth. “Now for my conditions.”
There was a lump in my throat as I said, “Name them.”
“I am never to be cut out of any decision made on behalf of myself or our child. They will be raised between the Luz and Sahlmsaran courts. Once they are born, you’re welcome to take other lovers and I—”
A low growl left my throat involuntarily.
Fuck.I couldn’t listen to her diplomatically tell me that she would warm my bed only until an heir was born. She was about to say that she’d be free to take other lovers, and my mind screamed at me still. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
It would never be enough to offer her a husband who didn’t love her, a child forced upon her, a life of fighting that she never imagined for herself.
Her gaze narrowed on my mouth, glaring at it like she could wish the growl away.
“I knowexactlywhat you can offer me,” she answered my internal worry with an air of finality that struck me as sad. “I’ve known many women whose love for their children outweighstheir romantic indifference for their husbands. Itwillbe enough.”
She’d reversed and echoed my concerns back at me.
“Very well,” I ground out.
What she offered was a selfless gesture—she’d protect my sense of loyalty to Freya. She’d honor the prophecy.
She began to rub her palm. Impulsively, I took her hand in mine and then massaged the back of her knuckles where I’d noticed she often applied pressure. Her eyes closed as though the sensation brought her relief.
“Is this somewhere that you usually hurt?” I asked and pressed the meaty flesh between her thumb and palm.
