Page 38 of Flint
I know what she means by ringing the bell. Patients do that on the way out of the doctor’s office when they get a clean screening at their checkups after being treated for cancer.
I gaze down into her tearstained face and say, “Maybe your mother was just tired of bein’ in pain all the time. Radiation treatment really takes it out of a person.”
Shock registers on every inch of her face. Her eyes widen, and her mouth drops open slightly. “Wait. What are you saying,Flint? My mother was a fighter. Everyone said so. She wouldn’t just give up.”
“Cancer is a brutal disease. Her cancer had been caught in the later stages and was aggressive. At some point, everyone has to decide whether to keep fighting through the pain and misery or take a well-deserved final rest. My best guess is, Tommy finally started a job that meant the two of you could stand on your own two feet without her. She decided to use that opportunity to go out on her own terms, sweetheart. Maybe she sensed it was her time. The bottom line is you did the right thing by offering her the option to keep fighting, but it just wasn’t what she wanted for herself.”
She starts shaking her head as fresh tears track down her face. “That’s not what happened. It’s not. She wanted to live.”
“Of course she did. It was just too much. She told you she never wanted to go back to the hospital herself. Now that you’re all grown up, you must be able to see what that statement really meant. I know that her choosing to go without you hurts.”
“I’ve felt so guilty for so long, I don’t know how to live any other way.”
I tuck her head under my chin and hold her closer. “Your grief and guilt about not calling sooner got all twisted up in your mind. It made you feel responsible for what happened, but you weren’t.” As I say the words, I realize that this is what happened with Tommy’s accident. All my thoughts about the situation got twisted. Though knowing it, doesn’t make me feel any less responsible.
She’s quiet for a long beat. She finally pulls back enough to look up at me. “That’s why I went straight to the police thatnight on the beltline. I knew what I’d seen, that there was a man in a trunk, and I had to do then what I didn’t do before. I was convinced that if I told the police right away that I could save him.”
I frown down at her, trying to work out her train of thought. It doesn’t take long. “In your mind, not calling in time caused your mother’s death. I can see how you thought contacting the authorities right away was the right answer.”
“I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the girl who didn’t learn from her mistakes. Fat lot of good it did me.”
“You saw what you saw and tried your best to get that poor man help.”
“I feel like I can’t win, no matter what I do.”
“Yeah, I get that help from the official sources fails sometimes. That’s when organizations like the Sons step up. Men like me aren’t afraid to stick our necks out when people are in trouble. In this situation, the right thing to do was to tell me. Let me take a crack at figuring this out. I guarantee I’m worlds more effective than a fucking cop when it comes to tracking shit down and holding people accountable.”
She takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out before responding, “I know you’re already trying to find that sedan from the beltline. I’ve overheard you talking to junk yards.”
I give her a determined little smile and nod. “You bet your sweet ass I’m trackin’ that shit hard. I want to know what the fuck is going on. Trust me, I ain’t lettin’ go of this until I get some answers. Especially now they’re asking your ex-landlord questions.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and moves closer, laying her cheek against my chest. When she relaxes against me, I know she feels better and trusts me to track down some fuckin’ answers.
Between the conversation with Rock and Jules unburdening herself, this day has been an emotional rollercoaster, not only for me but for Jules too. She needs me to be strong for her. Luckily, I’m not the kind of man who breaks.
Chapter 12
Flint
Jules and I are sitting in the main room, drinking strong black coffee. We’re trying to get over our hangovers, or maybe that’s just me. Jules is drawing on a scrap of paper. Whatever she’s drawing is taking all her concentration. I smile to myself. Seeing her take such pleasure in her craft hits me right in the fuckin’ feels.
“Are you gonna show me what you’re drawing?”
She smiles without looking up. “Eventually.”
“Does drawing help you calm down when you’re upset?”
“It’s not drawing. It’s sketching. And yeah, sketching is my happy place.”
“I wish I had a fuckin’ happy place,” I grumble.
Her eyes snap up to mine. “You have a happy place, alright. It’s protecting me.”
I almost drop my cup, stammering, “Wait. What now?”
“Just what I said. You’re a protector looking for a job, and you found me.”
God damn it. She’s right. This woman is way too fuckin’ insightful when it comes to me. “Lucky you,” I reply calmly as I take another sip of my coffee.
