Page 102 of Elite Player
Merely a shell of a person.
Bucky Beaver.
I wipe at my eyes to clear them and plaster on a placid face, the one I’ve perfected through the years, pretending I’m not dying inside. Then I push past them to walk back into the house. I hear all hell break loose behind me, people shouting my name and arguing with each other, but it’s all white noise. All except Nico, calling my name.
I don’t answer or turn around. I need to get out. I need to get away. From all of them, but him especially.
With my rental keys in hand, I bypass the whispers of my name by strangers around me, the threats to Nico from my brother, and Mamaw asking for more wine. I ignore it all and run out of the house, intent on escaping.
But I recognize the quick footfalls behind me, the soft pants. “Don’t run. Please, Jo, don’t leave. I love you.”
I break away from his loose hold of my elbow. “No! Don’t. Don’t say that to me. Not right now.”
“I have to.” His cheeks are flushed from the cold, but his eyes are red with tears. For me or him, I don’t know.
And it makes this all so much harder. “Please don’t do this.”
“I have to. We gotta have this out, Jo.”
I shake my head, each breath rougher than the last until I’m on the verge of hyperventilating. Like I’m being buried alive. “I can’t. I…can’t.”
When he tries to pull me toward him, I jerk back so fast, I fall backward to the pavement. Scrambling to get up and away from him and this crushing feeling, I hit his hand away. “Please, you need to leave.”
“No. I’m not going to leave you. Not now, not ever.”
Finally standing, I use my coat sleeve to wipe away the tears, snot, and spit from my face, no longer afraid of being degraded. I cannot go any lower. “Just leave, please. Go to your game.”
He takes a step to follow me when I cross the street, but Ipoint at him with one last plea. “Please, Nico. Do not follow me. I need time. Go home.”
Whatever he sees in my face keeps him locked in his place, and I rush to my car, so on edge that I unthinkingly try to put it in drive before I’ve even started the engine, but I get it together enough to pull away from the curb.
With Nico in my rearview mirror.
CHAPTER 29
JO
Nico texts me.
I love you. No matter what. I don’t care about your family or that we started because of a lie or that you don’t even believe it. I will prove it to you. Every day. But you have to let me. Please let me.
Also, your dad threw me out of the house. I’m not sorry about it.
Let’s go away for the next holiday. To a beach. I’d really like to avoid your family if possible.
I’m here. I’m not leaving. Not until I see you.
It’s that last line that makes me power off my cell phone. I can’t take another one of his messages or the silence for my family. Not that I expected anything less, but I guess that tiny piece of hope inside me finally needed to die. After Granny, there is no one left whom I’m very interested in having a relationship with. Or vice versa.
With nowhere else to go, I spend hours in the local library. I browse paperbacks, look up highlights from the Iron’s game lastnight, and cry in the children’s corner, contemplating the last twenty-four hours, until the librarian hands me tissues and kindly informs me they are closing for the night, but if I need help finding a shelter, she can direct me to one.
I thank her and then drag myself back to my car, considering whether I want to drive back to Philadelphia tonight or fly back in two days as planned. I don’t like either one of those options because I don’t think driving in my current state would be wise, but I also don’t want to stay in my parents’ house and pretend like everything is fine.
What’s worse is my first instinct is to rely on Nico, ask him his opinion. Another knife twisted in my gut.
Over the last few months, he’s become not only my sounding board but my best friend and biggest supporter. My number one protector.
But nothing real can be born from a lie.
