Page 45 of Knox Unleashed
I open my mouth and then close it again.
Is he right?
Shit. He did say that.
“Fine. But why did you have to say anything at all?”
Knox fiddles with the sleeve of his T-shirt, then straightens his belt buckle. “Felt like he needed to hear it, at the time.”
I tap my fingers on the counter. “Did he need to hear it, or did you?”
Something shifts in his expression. It’s not quite anger, but it feels more complicated. “He accused me of using you, didn’t he?” Knox asks.
I want to answer and share family secrets, but I don’t. “Were you?”
The question leaves my mouth before I can stop it. It gives away my hand. And I don’t want Knox to know that the answer really matters to me.
The shop seems to close in around us, the hum of the coolers sounding even louder than usual.
“Please, Knox. Just be honest with me.” I hate the way it sounds like I’m begging.
“No.” The muscle in his jaw twitches. “I wasn’t. Can’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind in the past, but not last night.”
“Then why did you say that to him?” I ask.
Lines furrow his brow. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
I look down at the faded waterway map tucked beneath a plastic sheet on the countertop. “Define hurt.”
“Fuck,” Knox mutters. “He yelled? Called you names and shit?”
It’s hard to look up and meet his gaze. “Those kinds of things agitate him. Was it about me? Or was it about hurting him?”
He steps even closer to the counter, placing his hands on the other side in a mirror to my own. He leans toward me, and I fight back the urge to meet him halfway. “Do you honestly think I’d use you like that?”
I study him carefully. I see the gray at his temples and the earnestness in his gaze. It would be so easy to lie and give him the answer that would soothe both of us. “I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t have many people, Knox. I don’t let anyone in easily. My ability to read people is rusty. But you also have your own agenda that I don’t know. So, maybe, I think you could use me like that. I guess I just want you to know it would hurt if you did.”
He reaches out just far enough to touch the ends of my hair. “It would be easier if Ididuse you and hurt you. It’d be cleaner than this feeling in my chest that I can’t seem to ignore. The one that’s clung to me all day. For some reason, I can’t unsee you. And yet, you’re still the daughter of the man who killed my brother.”
The words are a contrast to his touch. His fingers are tender. His words filled with frustration.
All the air leaves my chest, and I struggle to inhale enough to replace it.
Something shifts between us. “I just want you to be honest with me.”
“You want my version of honesty?” he asks. “Fine. You think I woke up this morning proud of what I did? I didn’t. I was embarrassed by my lack of restraint. You think I want you under these conditions? You being who you are. Me being so much older than you. My life isn’t clean by a long stretch, and I don’t want to tarnish you with any of that. My life comes with blood and consequences that you don’t want any part of.”
Outside, a boat engine rumbles somewhere down the dock before fading again.
Finally, Knox exhales.
“I said what I said to your father,” he says finally, “because he talks about you like you’re a child. Because you’re something he wants to control, and in the last twelve hours, I’m starting to learn he can’t. You’re a force of nature, Maren. And in a different world, I’d already have my dick so far inside you that neither of us could speak. So, no. None of this was about using you.”
My throat tightens.
You’re a force of nature, Maren. And in a different world, I’d already have my dick so far inside you that neither of us could speak.
“In the future, could you think about how things like this land on me? He was already angry before I could say a word.”
