Page 25 of The PTA President
“I used my school backpack for my baby blanket and some stuffed animals. There was no reasoning with my parents. I tried talking to them, but my dad made it clear that girls don’t kiss girls and he’d never allow such grotesque behavior in his home. He made no sense, though. We weren’t religious or anything, and nobody had ever talked to me about being gayorstraight.
“I’ve never felt as dirty as I did that day, walking out of my parents’ house, bags in hand. No longer welcome. Not understanding what I did and why it was wrong. All I knew was that I was helping a friend. Not knowing where to go, I headed to check on Megan. When I crawled in her bedroom window, her parents were sitting on the bed with her. Her mom rubbed her back while her dad spoke quietly. I thought for sure they’d throw me out too, but to my surprise, they had me come in and went right to work setting up the guest room. Megan’s dad’s a lawyer, and even though the process took a year. I got emancipated and never saw my parents again. In fact, one day, about a month after they kicked me out, a moving truck was at the house, and they were gone.”
“They left you?” She grips my hand so tight, I lose blood flow. “I don’t understand any of this.”
“Yep, dropped me like a bad habit. Megan’s parents didn’t legally adopt me, but I moved in anyway, and after a while, I called them Mom and Dad. They were big into education, and pushed us hard, which helped a ton because we both got full rides to our first-pick colleges. We got jobs on campus making sandwiches to pay for food and rent. We survived, and I honestly wouldn’t be here without them. Her parents and I talked about the kiss, but we both reassured them it was just practice. We weren't going to sneak into each other’s rooms to hookup. They weren’t judgmental at all, so loving and supportive, but encouraged us both to grow up a little before we made a habit of kissing.”
She pulls me into her lap and caresses my hair. It’s a motherly thing to do, but with her, it’s not feeling that way.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine growing up like that. My heart breaks for you. I’d never wish that on anyone.”
“I really like you, and I don’t know what’s going on or what’s about to happen, but I figured it was time you knew who’s currently in bed with you.”
“I’m not scared of your past. So what? You trashed your room because your parents were terrible people. What teenage girl wouldn’t behave that way?”
I squint my eyes, turning away from her. “I have a history of behaving recklessly. I’ve worked through some of it, but it’s negatively affected relationships.”
“Obviously not all of them if you still have Megan.” With a firm grip on my chin, she pulls me back to face her.
“Yeah, I could throw Megan out the window, and she’d ask what’s for dinner on the way out.
“So, you and Megan never dated?” I like her curiosity, and it makes me want to open up more.
“No way. That girl’s straight as an arrow and is more like my sister than a friend. There’s never been an attraction there for either of us.”
“So, areyoubisexual then?” She bites her lip, keeping her eyes locked on mine.
“I’m just Nat.” I shrug. “There’s no other label than that. In high school, I hooked up with mostly guys, but some of those veiny pork swords are too terrifying to be let inside me. Closer to graduation, I found I enjoyed girls a lot more.”
“Are you tired? We could keep talking, or we could lie down and finish this in the morning?” Her lashes flutter as she tries to keep her eyes open. It’s a lot to take in, and I don’t expect her to understand me fully after one pillow talk session.
There was no assumption on my end that she’d rip off my shorts and go down on me once she found out I was into girls. We just had a massive conversation, and not scaring her away is an absolute win.
We both lay down next to each other, keeping our fingers clasped together. I forgot how fluffy her pillows are. They’re like a giant hug, and I’m never going home if she keeps letting me crash in the world’s greatest bed.
“Thanks for telling me,” she says, letting sleep take over.
“Thanks for not throwing me out after you heard it all.”
“I’m sure I didn’t hear it all, but we can save it for another day.”
“There’s a lot more I wanna tell you,” I whisper, hoping she didn’t hear me. Because what I want to tell her is how amazing she is, and that I dream about her every night.
ChaptEr 17
Candace
Nat is the ultimate replacement for a sleeping pill. She’s slept over twice, and both times I fell asleep within seconds and stayed asleep all night. Her hair covers most of her face, and she’s turned towards me, still sound asleep. She’s cute like this, relaxing in my bed with her guard down. Her breaths are quiet and if I lean down just enough, I get a hint of her morning breath. It smells sweet, different from the overpowering scent of a man. My heart ached for her after her confession last night. I've never wanted to hug my girls more. To hear a mother abandon her daughter like that was gut-wrenching.
So many thoughts were running through my brain, and I didn’t know what to say first or what she’d even want to hear. Naturally, I wanted to take over, fix the situation, and pick up all the broken pieces. Nat’s not my daughter, though, and clearly doesn’t need fixing. She’s also not my girlfriend, and a friend wouldn’t jump through heaven and hell to mend her trauma.We’re in this gray area, swimming in muddy water without a clue where to go.
Her sexuality caught me by surprise, only because it’s been at the forefront of my mind since we met. This magnetic force that’s pulling us together is so new that there’s no definition for it. Thoughts like, ‘Am I bisexual?’ or ‘Am I a lesbian?’ flood my brain. I’m in my late thirties and divorced. Shouldn’t I know more about myself?
Nat seems so sure of herself and has this confidence that I envy. She didn’t even put a label on her sexuality, so do I have to? I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself, because we’ve only held hands. There’s a possibility she’s not even attracted to me like that. At the dance, her energy felt heavy with lust, and it seemed we were flirting. This is all so confusing, yet exciting at the same time. Why can’t I just let loose and choose my path for once? I don’t need to have everything figured out. I did that for years, and all it got me was a stack of divorce papers.
I’m a grown woman, and if I’m drawn to this woman in my bed, then so be it. Her lips open ever so slightly as she turns her body, and they look so inviting. I bet they’d taste so sweet. My nipples harden at the thought of her tongue tracing circles around my sharp buds, and how soft they’d feel, trailing kisses down my neck.
Slowly, without waking her up, my fingers trace circles through my exposed robe and over my breasts. They’re heavy in my palms as I squeeze one, rubbing my thumb over a nipple. Sparks go shooting to my core, and a moan escapes me. Looking over quickly to make sure she’s still asleep, big dark eyes stare back at me.
