Page 62 of Jessica Beam is a Hot Mess
I take a deep, calming breath and drive once more round the track. Turning to Leo again, I give him a simpering smile.And then his phone starts to ring. Checking the number, he answers it. Rude. He turns slightly away from me, talking into the phone. I hear him say ‘dodgems’ and ‘account’ and ‘good show’ but it’s not fully clear because of the excited squeals of the other drivers and the sound of tinny fairground music blasting out around me.
BAM!
I’m jerked forward again by the teenagers and this time my left boob actually hits the steering wheel.
Ow.Fuck.
Right, enough is enough!
I side-eye Leo – he’s clearly engaged in his phone conversation and paying no attention to anything else whatsoever. As delicately and subtly as I can, I turn round my car so thatIam now in pursuit of the oafish teenagers.
‘She’s a fat cow. And old,’ I hear Leo saying on the phone beside me. ‘She’s clearly of no use to anyone. Get rid of her, she’s served her purpose.’
What the sweet hell? I can’t believe my ears. Is he advising that somebody should be sacked because they’re ageing and may have put on a few pounds? Ugh!
A dark flame of rage rises up throughout my chest, spurring me to step down on the pedal a little more forcefully. I block out the sound of horrible Leo Frost and chase after the horrible teenagers.
BLAM!
I bump into the side of their car with glee. The lads startle in fear.
‘Serves you right, you little fuckers!’ Is what Iwantto say. But a Good Woman would never say that. So I say it with my eyes. I say it so well with my eyes.
The teenagers gasp. Oh yes. The weirdly dressed woman with the nonsensically tiny waist is going to show you what happens when you mess with a Beam.
I whizz and dodge once more round the track − Leo still oblivious on his sexist phone call − and bash into the teenager’s car again. I love the bumper cars! I can’t help the giggle of joy that escapes me. I suspect it comes out as a little manic.
One of the teenagers whimpers, ‘Muuuuuum’.
OK. Maybe that’s enough. I reckon they’ve learned their lesson now. The chumps give me a very wide berth for the rest of the track and it’s only when the cars slow to a halt that Leo finally ends his conversation, putting his phone back into his inside jacket pocket. Out of the corner of my eye I spot the event organizers approaching, ready to continue Leo’s never-ending tour of the fairground. Dammit. I’ve completely missed my chance to bewitch and charm him. Fuck.
‘Lucille, is it?’
I look up in surprise to see Leo’s smug face staring at me.
‘Um, yes. Lucille. Lucille Darling,’ I reply in the breathy, soothing voice.
‘I’m Leo. I have to tell you, that was some rather excellent dodgems driving you just did.’ He grins, one eyebrow raised. ‘You certainly showed those two little shits what for. I got caught up in an important call, but on the inside I wasverymuch cheering you on.’
I laugh out loud in spite of myself.
‘Theywerea tad raucous.’ I say faux shyly, patting down my perfect hair.
‘Yes, and of course one of them had a barbed-wire tattoo, which was quite reason enough for your fury.’
He holds his hand out to help me from the car. I take it, and as I step out I catch him checking out my bum, lifted considerably by the Spirella girdle. I smile at him as if I am mysterious and interesting and Good and refined and sexy and alluring and maybe a woman he could fall in love with. It’s not an easy smile to perform. Is it working or do I look a bit crazy? I think it might be working. Leo Frost half smiles back, a spark of amusement in his green eyes.
‘This is a little unorthodox, but … would you like to accompany me to the Ferris wheel?’ he says eventually, with a glance at his fancy-ass watch. ‘Perhaps get a drink? I’ve some business to attend to, but then I’m free for a little … fun.’
What the hell? It worked? I did it? It must be the boobs and waist. Or was it the soothing voice? Either way, he iswellinterested.
I recall Grandma’s parting advice:Keep it brief. The aim of this evening is simply to bewitch and charm Mr Frost into obtaining your telephone number. Nothing more.
‘I am so sorry, but I have a prior engagement this evening,’ I respond, as if I really am utterly fed up about this made-up prior engagement. ‘But you may have my telephone number to arrange a date at your convenience.’ I bat my eyelashes and tilt my head to the side.
Arrange a date at your convenience?Where the fuck did that come from?
He smirks. ‘Excuse me?’
