Page 32 of Big Sexy Love
‘You like it?’ I hear him say through the mist of hairspray he’s currently applying all over to secure the disaster intoplace.
I blink gormlessly at my reflection. It’s not even a beehive, or a bun. It’s a ginormoustwist.
Right at the front ofmyhead.
Like a unicorn. It looks like I have aunicornhorn.
‘It’s…it’s…’
I can’t come up with anappropriateword.
‘Do you love it? You love it,don’tyou?’
It’s a fucking unicorn horn. I look batshitcrazy.
I peer closer in the mirror and notice that he’s twisted in strands of blue hair. When did he do that? Where did he get blue hair from? Does he have a collection of different-coloured hair? Not only do I look like a complete crazy person, I look like a crazy person who’s stuck in a Christina Aguilera music video from 2002. I wonder if Anders knows that strands of blue hair have been frowned upon for manyyearsnow…
‘Here, let me take apicture!’
Before I can stop him, Anders is holding up his smartphone and snapping away. He looks so proud, one hand clasped to his chest indelight.
‘It’s lovely,’ I say, trying my best to force a smile of enthusiasm. It’s done now – there’s no point in hurting his feelings by being truthful. ‘It’s really… unique.’ I pat the top of the horn, but my hand can barely reach the tall point, it’s so high up. ‘It’s so…solid!’
‘Darling, I know! It’s perfect.’ Anders nods approvingly at his own work.Thank God his parents put a stop to him becoming a hairdresser! No-onedeservesthis.
‘Right,’ I say. ‘Well, thanks… I best be going now. Lotstodo!’
Anders sighs lightly, a sad smile on his perfectly symmetrical face. ‘Yes. Of course. Thank you for letting me styleyourhair.’
I don’t tell him that I have never felt more ridiculous in my life. That as soon as I get back to my Airbnb I’ll spend an age taking out every kirby grip and shampooing my hair three times to get it back tonormal.
Instead I say. ‘It was my pleasure. You takecarenow.’
And then, carefully tucking the photo of Chuck Allen next to Birdie’s letter in my bumbag, I get the bloody hell out of there as quickly asIcan.
OceanofPDF.com
ChapterThirteen
Text from Colin:Hello there, Olive! The lads and I just arrived in Australia safe and sound. It’s very warm and sunny! How are you? How is ‘The Big Apple’ treating you so far? All good, Ihope.X
Anders wavesme away like an old friend, as if our whole interaction wasn’t the most ridiculous thing that has ever occurred, although to be fair, for him, it’s probably not. I shuffle speedily down the street, head bowed, looking back sporadically to see if he’s stillwaving.
Heis.
At the end of the very long road, I turn around one final time to see if he’s gone backinsideyet.
Nope. He’s stillwaving.
I give him a quick wave in return and dive around the corner to catch mybreath.
That might be one of the strangest things that’s ever happened to me. And I recently peed in front of a total stranger.Holymoly.
I continue half walking/half jogging my way to towards the nearest underground station, but the quick movement means my too-small tights are falling down. If I move much further without rectifying the situation, they will be around my knees and that won’t be pleasant foranyone.
I peer around me in search of a private corner or hidden doorway and spot a runner heading through a gate into some sort of park. I follow, pulling the gate closed behind me and waddling down agravelledpath.
The runner jogs off behind some trees and I try to find a secluded spot in which to rearrange my tights without anyone seeing. As I round the corner at the end of the gravelled path, I breathe insharply.
