Page 23 of Big Sexy Love
‘No!’ I hiss, shaking my head in horror. ‘I don’t want to have sex with you on this death machine. I need a piddle. God, I really need to gorightnow!’
‘SORRY, WHAT? APIDDLE?’
He reaches his arm out to openthedoor.
‘Don’t open the door!’ I say furiously. I can’t wait a second longer. I yank down my jeans. ‘Turn around!!’ I yell, mortified. ‘And… cover your ears. Oh no. It’shappening!’
Seth gives me a horrified look before turning away and clamping his hands down overhisears.
Oh god. How embarrassing. It’s one of those really longweestoo.
When I’m all finished, I step over to the sink with a wobble and wash myhands.
‘Sorry,’ I say to Seth as he uncovers his eyes and just stares at me, shaking his head slowly in disbelief. ‘I’m really sorry! I think… we got our wirescrossed…’
Seth looks terrified, to be fair he has every right. He thought I wanted to engage in a sensual sky-high rendezvous and instead I have forced him to witness me going to the loo against his will. I probably should not have any morechampagne…
Wide-eyed, Seth take his specs back out of his shirt pocket and slides them back onhisface.
‘I’ll um… I’ll justum…wow.’
He tries to leave and I grab onto his arm with bothhands.
‘Just lead me back to my seat,’ I say, feeling like the biggest dick in the entire world. ‘And I’ll leave you alone forever, I swear. I don’t have a child or a pet to swear on. I mean, I used to have a cat called Mr Muscle, but in 1999 I swore on his life that I wasn’t lying about something when Iwaslying and the next day he died in mysteriouscircumstancesso—’
‘Come on. Let’s get you back to your seat,’ he interrupts. He’s speaking slowly, kindly. Like I’m a very young person or a very oldperson.
We open the door and as I walk out of the loo, clinging onto Seth’s arm in case the plane gets shaky again, the air hostess from before catches sight of us. She looks at me with greatdistaste.
As Seth takes back his arm, sits in his pod, jams his headphones over his ears and starts furiously tapping away on his laptop keyboard, I sit down shakily and buckle myself up. As I do, the air hostess strides over and crouches down beside me, her lovely small nostrilsflaring.
‘On behalf of us here at BA, we rescind our congratulations,’ she hisses, looking me up and down. ‘Colin deservesbetter.’
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ChapterTen
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Imanageto fall asleep (pass out) for the next few hours on the plane and soon enough we have touched down safely. I made it! I drank too much champagne, screamed twice, made up a fake fiancé, got glared at by the cabin crew and forced a man to accompany me for a wee. But Imadeit!
At the baggage stand, I wait with my fellow passengers for my suitcases to appear. As I’m doing so, I spot Seth out of the corner of my eye, heading towards the exit. He scurried off as soon as the plane landed, giving me a quick awkward wave as he did so. No wonder. He must think I am bonkers. He’s right. Iclearlyam.
I contemplate running after him before he disappears from sight, apologising for my behaviour. Especially after he was so kind about my terror during take-off. But just as I’m about to race in his direction, I see Donna’s red suede suitcase chugging along the luggage carousel. And there’s my suitcasebehindit.
Shit. If I don’t grab it now, I will have to wait for it to go all the way around again. The carousel is massive – it’ll take ages. And what if someone steals the cases on the other side where I can’t see them? I once read a news story about people who come to airports and hang around just so they can stand at baggage claim and nick people’s bags. Then what would I do? All that careful packing for nothing. No scarves, no shoes for every eventuality,nothing!
I give one last regretful look at Seth striding out of the airport before grabbing my suitcases from the carousel. I reach both hands out and grab the handles, yanking with all my might. But the cases are so heavy and won’t come all the way off theconveyorbelt.
Shit.
Before I know what’s happening I find myself being dragged along withmybags.
‘Sorry!’ I say, as I bash into the person next to me, trying my very best to retrieve mycases.
