Page 92 of Big Sexy Love
‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ I say at once, my chesttightening.
Birdie sighs, rubbing her hand across her face. ‘I shouldn’t have answered. I’m sorry. I’m not having a great day. I’m tired and achy. I feelrotten.’
‘Oh Bird. Tell me. What’s happening? How canIhelp?’
Birdie looks up into the screen. ‘I’m just… I’m scared today. I’m really fucking scared. I’m fine most of the time. I know what’s going to happen and I’ve made my peace with it. But today… I feelterrified.’
My eyes immediately sting with tears. Birdie always puts on a brave face about her situation. Through the surgeries and tests, through the hopes that they would find a way to fix her, and the disappointments when they couldn’t. She’s always always beenstoic.
This is new. My heart cracks. I wish I was there with herrightnow.
‘Tell me,’ I say. ‘Let’s talkaboutit.’
Birdie fiddles with her earlobe and exhales through her cheeks, making a sound like a horse. ‘I just keep thinking. What if, when I’m gone, no oneremembersme?’
I almost laugh, it’s sooutrageous.
‘That will never happen.’ I say firmly. ‘How could anyone forget you? You’re literallyunforgettable.’
Birdie half smiles. ‘You won’t forget mewillyou?’
‘Are you for real? I could never forget you. There are some things about you I wish Icouldforget. Like your crap taste in music and the time you considered becoming vegan. But that shit’s sticking aroundforever,dude.’
Birdienods. ‘Good.’
‘And I will tell everyone I ever meet about you, for as long as I’m lucky enough to be walking this earth. I will bore themsillywith stories of you and how amazing you are, how everyone who meets you falls in lovewithyou—’
‘ExceptDrBJ.’
‘Yes, except that foolDrBJ.’
‘Damn fool.’ A small smile tugs at the corner of Birdie’s mouth. That’sbetter.
‘Damnfool. Then I’ll show them photos upon photos of you and all the wonderful times we’ve had together. It will be intense, Birdie. People in the street will start to avoid me in case I collar them to talk about you. They’ll be like, “There’s that curly-haired girl obsessed with Birdie Lively! I didn’t think she had any more Birdie stories to tell us! But, oh boy, she does! She has never-ending Birdiestories!”’
Birdie laughs. ‘Will you show them videos ofmetoo?’
‘I will make a fucking reel of them. And set them up on one of those projector thingies. I will project the videos of you onto Manchester Town Hall. It will be like an art installation. It will be a veritable fuckingBirdieFest.’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay.’
Birdie yawns. ‘God, I’m reallytired.’
‘Haveanap.’
She nods, her voice going small. ‘Will you stay on FaceTime. Just until I fall asleep?Ijust…’
‘It would be mypleasure.’
As Birdie’s eyes drift close, her breathing settling into a steady rythym, I watch her. Not in a creepy way. Just in a way that allows me to memorise every inch of her face. Which I guess sounds a little creepy. But I don’t want to forget athing.
I sigh, utterly full to the brim with adoration for this American livewire. And completely heartbroken that, in the not too distant future, she’ll only be alive in videos and stories and dear, dearmemories.
I lean down and whisper into the phone, into herdreams.
‘Birdie, Lively, You willneverbeforgotten.’
