Page 46 of Hard To Fall
“Men like us? Fear doesn’t show as fear. It displays itself in anger, silence, and pride.” He smirks as he turns to me. “Sound familiar?”
I huff a laugh. “Every word of it, old man.”
He claps me on the back. “You think you’re protectin’ the ranch, me, your momma, your brother, and your future. I get it,this is your future, and it's scary if it starts to slip.” He finally turns fully toward me.
“But if you don’t figure out how to move forward with what you have, what you’re really protectin’ is your own fear. And that’s a stupid thing to want to keep hold of.”
My throat tightens. I don’t like how accurate he is.
“You push her away,” he says, calm but firm, “and you’ll still lose everything you’re afraid of losing.”
“I think I already pushed too hard.”
He shakes his head. “No, I don't think so. I think there’s still plenty of her to pull back in.” He turns to walk away. “She’s not trying to take your life, son. She just wants to fill it.”
I stare out at the pasture, letting his words wash over me. “I don’t know how to do this, Dad,” I admit.
Dad nods and smiles. “That’s new for you.”
I huff a dry breath. “Don’t get used to it.”
A faint smile flickers on his face. “Good, I hope you figure it out. Start small, start simple.” He walks away. “Oh, and, Colt, you don’t fix it with words; they help, but it’s not everything. You’ve already hurt her with words, remember that.”
“Then how?”
“You fix it with choice.”
He walks away, leaving me alone with the quiet and the truth that I could lose the only woman who’s stuck it out with me, despite all my grouchiness.
CHAPTER 18
LILY
I stopped avoiding Colt.That was too obvious and definitely not professional. I don’t chase after him either. I called the meeting we needed, and he came. I had him sign the necessary paperwork before sending it to sponsors. I still went about managing the rodeo.
I just continue to do what I do best.
I work.
I show up early and don’t think about when Colt and I slept in. I leave late and don’t think about when we spent the night out by the barn. I run meetings and don’t think about when he waited for everyone to file out before slamming the door and kissing me like his last breath depended on it. And I continue to walk the grounds and plan layouts, just not planning to stay.
I keep Hearts Roundup alive, and I keep my heart locked down.
The hardest part isn’t missing being with him or talking to him; it’s feeling him, planning future moves with him. And I don’t mean marriage. I just mean, daily stuff. Knowing I’d be starting and ending the day with him beside me, no matter where the day pulled us, was enough to get me through the hard spots.
Today was especially hard because I had a big sponsor back out. It’s never happened before, and, of course, I took it personally. Maria and Levi came in just as I was hanging up the phone, and they knew something was off.
“Hi, honey. I made some sweet tea.”
I place the phone down and scrub my face. “Does it have vodka in it?”
“I told you she was going for the wrong brother, Ma.”
I huff a laugh as Maria smacks Levi’s arm. “You hush.” She turns to me. “What happened?”
“Iron Spur Saddlery just backed out. They had a conflicting schedule, which is a nice way to say ‘I’m not working for a woman.’”
“How do you know it’s because you’re a woman? Maybe they heard Colt’s name and said fuck that guy,” Levi interjects.
