Page 70 of One for the Road
“Firstly.” He slowly set his empty glass on the table. “Cameron is a fucking prick because I know he put this shit in your head. And for the record, no, I didn’t cheat on her.” He waited for me to look at him to finish. “I’d never do that.”
I shivered at the sincerity in his words.
I hadn’t realised how badly I’d needed to hear that. I felt one of the knots in my chest begin to unravel. I wonderedif Alistair noticed, because he quickly added, “Didn’t make me a good boyfriend, though. And I was an even worse fiancé. Selfish, worked all the time, put myself first.”
It felt like a warning:Do not make the mistake of liking me.
It might already be too late for that.
And wasn’t that just so damn pathetic? I was so lonely that all it took was a few kind words from a man who’d been nothing but awful to me for months. A man who was literally waving his red flags at me.
I rested my chin on my knees as the wind whipped around us, sneaking through the holes in my cardigan. I tucked my arms more tightly around myself.
“It’s getting cold,” Alistair said, standing.
“You can head in; I’ll just be a few more minutes.” I glanced up, breath releasing in a white puff. I didn’t turn to watch him leave. Something about the stars always made it easier to breathe, especially on the days it all became too much. I’d come out here and count every star in the sky. Until my lungs loosened and I felt magnificently small. Just a pinprick in time.
What was a lifetime of financial uncertainty in comparison to an entire galaxy?
A moment later, I heard his returning footsteps and felt a blanket drape over my knees. That did it. The dam I’d been hastily patching all evening cracked down the centre when his chest came into view. Gently, he tucked the blanket over my shoulders, his knuckles brushing my chin. “Pretty sure it’s against the Hippocratic oath to let you freeze to death—Fuck, Isla.” He broke off. “Are you crying?”
“Sorry, I—” I flicked away the tear, but another was already replacing it. “I’m just really bad at letting people take care of me.” I felt more than saw him lower to his kneesand I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Today’s been . . . a lot. And I – I still don’t know how I’m going to pay for Teddy’s school trip and . . .” It all came out in a tear-filled tumble. “Teddy said she hated me today.”
“She didn’t mean it,” he said quickly. Fervently.
“I know she didn’t. Deep down, I do, and . . . I get – I get that I’m her mum.” My entire body was trembling. “And I’d never trade that privilege for anything, but sometimes, I just want to be a person too, you know?” I said wetly. “I don’t want to always be the bad guy; or . . . or the one left to get the blame and pick up the pieces. It makes me hate Cameron . . . and then I hate him even more for this ugly person he’s turned me into.” I scrubbed at my cheeks with my sleeve, embarrassed. Usually, I waited until I was in bed to completely fall apart.
“There isnothingugly about you, honey.” He caught the tears I’d missed with his thumb. “Just say the word and I’ll run over Cameron with my car.”
I couldn’t even laugh. I just stared into his sombre eyes and admitted, “Sometimes I feel like I’m holding the weight of the world on my shoulders, and somehow, I’m holding it . . . wrong. Failing Teddy—”
“Jesus, Isla.” He cupped my cheeks, as close as he’d been in the toilet block that afternoon. “You’re a fucking magnificent mother. Never doubt it. Okay?”
“How can you be so sure? You barely know me.”
“The fact you’re crying right now should be a clue. Do you think Cameron’s at home right now doing the same?”
“No.” The truth of it only made me cry more. Alistair caught as many tears as he could.
“Two crying girls in a single day, I bet this wasn’t what you signed up for when you ordered a fake girlfriend, huh?” I said when they eased. I could practically see him regrettingevery decision that had led him to this moment. “At least being around me must be a nice little ego boost.”
“What do you mean?”
“Someone who’s constantly losing,” I explained. “You’ve come to my rescue, what? Ten times at this point. It must make you feel even more perfect.”
He barked out a rough laugh. “I’m not perfect, Isla. Far from it.”
“Right.”
“You really don’t see yourself, do you? Or me for that matter.” He sat back on his heels, looking pissed off. “I’m thirty-seven, back living in the tiny little village I spent all of my teen years desperate to escape; my brother is engaged to my ex-fiancée. The only reason I have a job at all right now is because my dad somehow knew he’d need to swoop in and save me one last time—” He broke off, squeezing his eyes shut like he’d said too much.
“Wait.” My brain tripped over his words, trying to piece them together with what he’d told me. “You were fired? But I – I thought that’s why you were leaving. To return to your old practice.”
“I wasn’t fired. I quit a few years back, then bounced between surgeries,” he said quickly. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him scramble.
“Why?” I asked, then watched his entire face shut down. I wouldn’t normally push but – “Come on, I just laid all of my humiliating problems bare.”
He was silent so long; I didn’t think he was going to tell me. But then finally, he said, “There isn’t much to tell. Another doctor – my old boss, Peter – and I had a disagreement over a patient’s care. We both put in complaints, but ultimately, it’s a business of connections. Last one in, first one out.”
