Page 21 of One for the Road
There was a beat of silence. “I told you it would be late.”
I took a deep breath. Pushed out the words. “I still don’t have last month’s either.”
He sighed and I heard a door open and close where he was. “Please don’t nag me, Lala. I’m already stressed enough with work. I warned you things were going to be tight while we’re renovating the bathroom.”
“What was wrong with the old bathroom?”
“Annie hated the black-and-white tile.”
“PoorAnnie,” I said. I wanted to scream. All this pressure building in my chest needed an exit.
“Fuck– I’m sorry.” He sounded genuinely apologetic. That only made it worse. “I get that this is shit to hear. And I know I sound like the most selfish bastard in the world to say this to you after everything I did, but . . . shit, Annie’s in a terrible position in all this too. She’s struggling, Lala, feeling guilty . . .soguilty for how things went down, and I think all the reminders of you in the house are making it worse.”
It was like he was right on the cusp of becoming self-aware, then falling at the final hurdle.
Too tired to argue, I shoved down the fire in my belly, forcing the conversation back to the only person who mattered. “Teddy has a school trip in September, if you could just pay for that, I can cover the rest for now.”
A pause. “How much is the trip?”
“Three hundred pounds.”
“Three hundred pounds?” he clipped. “Is it a trip to the fucking moon?”
“Loch Ness, actually.”
“It’s a few hours away, can’t you take her?”
No, because kids do this funny thing where they want to play with other children, I wanted to say, but settled on, “You know it’s not the same, Cam.” The nickname slipped off my tongue. A nickname from another life where I wasn’t taking down the hem on all my kid’s trousers because she’d grown nearly as tall as me.
“I suppose I’m expected to pay for this summer camp you’ve signed her up for, as well? Another unnecessary expense.”
One he hadn’t paid a penny toward. “It’s the summer break. I can’t bring her to work with me every day, and I can’t cut down my shifts. It’s either camp or private childcare. The day camp is cheaper.” And she’d actually have fun with her friends rather than being stuck inside all day.
“I don’t know what to tell you. I can maybe loan you half for the school trip, but I’ll need it back.”
Taking care of his child was a loan now? Got it.
I bit down on my lip until it stung. Cameron and I rarely argued when we were a couple, other than the occasional bickering match over what to watch on the TV before we inevitably both stared at our phone screens all evening, and I didn’t know where to start now. “Fine. If you could transfer it over, that would be great.”
“I’ll give it to you next week.”
“Now would be better. The school requires a deposit to secure her space.”
He sighed again, louder, more pointedly. Trying to reel in the temper he so rarely lost. “This is exactly why we didn’t work out. Dual parenting is only successful when we communicate, Isla. I would really appreciate it if you could anticipate Teddy’s needs ahead of time rather thanspringing this on me at nine a.m. on a workday. Perhaps you should consider getting a job with better pay, a more stable routine.” The words lashed like he’d slapped me.
Like it was that easy.
Cameron and I first met at a baking conference in Edinburgh. The course had cost more than I made in a week at my apprenticeship, but I’d attended some of the classes for free. I’d been picking at my flaking nail polish, nervously staring at all the fancy couples out for date night, thinking,Wow, this is how the other half live.
Then Cameron had walked up to my workbench, and my stomach had fizzed. I remember the feeling so clearly. How he’d grinned boyishly and said we’d beenpaired up by chance.
He was a few years older than me. Dark-haired and handsome, with a smile like a member of a boy band. We’d spent the afternoon laughing with flour-covered aprons and comparing rolling techniques – his had been a lot better than mine. Later, he’d asked me out for a drink.
After a week, he’d told me he loved me for the first time.
I’d fallen pregnant with Teddy three months later. He’d pointed out it was dangerous for me to work in a kitchen while pregnant, so I’d quit without a second thought.
I’d been so eager to be loved and taken care of. To be the most important person in someone’s life, that I hadn’t even paused to consider what would happen if that love went away.
