Page 113 of Bad Attitude
Stupid,stupid.
I stare at it a moment, then go up and shower, before digging out my spare chain and attaching his bike to my ground anchor. Send him a text that I did. His ‘Thanks, Hellcat’ feels good, and yet… a little neutral?
I’m reading everything into a two-word text.
What am I expecting? Little flower petals around the words? Him taking an Uber over here, showing me himself how grateful he is?
It’s a simple task. Chaining his bike to a post.
Not like I’d want him to chainmeto a post.
Fuck.Why did my mind go there?
I’ve got it bad.
“Do you love him?”Tasha asked me.
No… not with all the secrets he’s still keeping from me. How can I love someone I don’t fully know?
But lust? Sure. Who wouldn’t? Especially having seen him naked so often. Knowing what he can do with his tongue… his hands… hiscock.
Fuuuuuuuck.I need another shower.
Love might be a step too far, but I can’t deny I’m drawn to him.
Am I even capable of love? With my twisted religious upbringing? With one relationship after another proving to be the worst successive mistakes of my life?
It must be me that’s the problem. Declan has made it clear how he feels. He hasn’t said those three little words, but he did allude quite clearly…
“You ever been married, Mister Hale?”
“No. But… if I were to be, I could sure do a hell of a lot worse.”
I rub my hand over my face. The more I think of it, the less that sounds clear, the more it sounds like general politeness. Meaningless and throwaway.
Right?
I didn’t ask him for that reason, anyway. I asked because of the woman in Thousand Oaks.
He hasn’tbeenmarried… doesn’t mean the kid’s not his.
Fuck.
I asked him when he last had sex, and he said two years and four months. What Ishould’veasked him is if he had sex… that kid was what, six years old?
Hi, Declan. Did you have sex six years and nine months ago?
Yeah. Because that wouldn’t be weird or anything.
Tuesday, Caleb calls.
It’s so unusual I answer in alarm. “What is it? What’s happened? Is Dad okay?”
“Chill, Snotnose,” he drawls. “I was calling to check in on you. See how you’re doing with that man you’re fixated on. Want to sob over the phone to me?”
I switch the phone to my other ear and roll my eyes. “One, I’m not fixated on him.”Liar. “Two, I don’t sob when I cry.”True.Weird, but there we go. Sob for other reasons… Declan-related reasons.“Three, maybe I had a snotty nose when I was a child, but there’s a reason I call you asswipe, and it’s as true now as it’s always been.”
“Be nice to me, or I’ll get Dad to invite you back for his birthday in September.”
