Page 85 of The Sweetheart
Kai hesitated.
“Come stay with me. I have a spare room, and if you don’t argue with me, I’ll forget to be offended that you didn’t ask me a month ago.”
“Alright. Thanks, Matteo.” Kai smiled, and Matteo clapped him on the back again.
“Come on. Let’s go make sure everyone has what they need, and we’ll take off.”
Two hours later, Kai lay on the bed in Matteo’s spare room, flipping his old phone between his fingers. The shower he’d taken had been the best one he’d had in over a month. Quiet and clean and uninterrupted. He was exhausted, and mentally and emotionally drained from the day. The thought of those vulnerable girls being exploited by that predator had reminded him of all of the times he’d been vulnerable in his past. It made him sick to his stomach. Liam had taught him how to make himself invulnerable though, and even though that had not always felt good, it was certainly better than being prey for other people.
In the silence of Matteo’s house, his thoughts turned to Nolan. The longing was always worse at night. Nolan’s bed was always where he’d felt the closest to him, when he’d had his undivided attention.
Kai wasn’t sure if it was just the day or maybe the look in Ava’s eyes or just lying in a room that should have felt welcoming, but Kai felt Nolan’s absence a hundredfold tonight. He was desperate for something, and it filled him with a sense of urgency that he didn’t know what to do with. He felt restless and frustrated and he knew he would never be able to sleep like this.
Kai jerked at a sudden knock at his door.
“Can I come in?” Matteo called through the door.
“Yeah, come in,” Kai answered, sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed.
“How’re you doing? Need anything?” Matteo asked, poking his head into the room.
“No, I’m good. Thanks, Matteo.”
“Okay. I’m just doing some work in my room before bed if you change your mind.”
“Actually, can I borrow your phone?” he asked impulsively, surprising himself with the request.
“Sure. Knock on my door when you’re done with it.” He lobbed it over to Kai, calling out his pin as he did it. Kai caught it and waited for the door to close before looking down at the phone in his hand. His heart started racing. He hadn’t made the conscious decision to call, but now that he had Matteo’s phone, he couldn't bring himself to think the decision through rationally. He dialled Nolan’s number with trembling fingers.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?”
The sound of Nolan’s voice after so long was a sledgehammer to his chest, an explosion of pain that radiated from his heart to every single part of his body. His skin felt like someone brushed a live wire against it as his throat immediately closed.
He was supposed to be there. Nolan was supposed to be his Daddy. Nolan was supposed to take care of him. Nolan was supposed to be the one with the answers.
Fuck, he needed him.
Suddenly, Kai felt wildly, and inexplicably, angry, and he was both ashamed and bewildered by where it had come from. He just knew that he wanted to rail at Nolan for abandoning him. For not being there when he’d promised to take care of him.
“Hello? Matteo, are you there?”
Kai held his breath, unable to speak, scared that, if he did, he would say something horrible when, underneath it all, what he desperately wanted, was to be back where his heart and his head and his soul told him he belonged.
Nolan didn’t say anything for a full minute. Then:
“Kai?”
Nolan said his name, thick with uncertainty, and, without thinking, Kai slammed his thumb on the “end call” button. Nolan called back immediately. Kai declined the call. He called again, and Kai let it ring out, shoving the heels of his palms into his eyes as his body shook from silent sobs.
33
Nolan sat in his car across the street from the little cafe, heart palpitating like he had a small bird trapped underneath his ribcage. How many times had he patrolled this street, looking for Kai on Liam’s say so? The whole time he’d been right in there. Liam had known, that little shit, and had decided to torment him, which, Nolan thought, was on brand for him.
He still had no idea what he was going to say or if he was even going in there. He’d debated waiting and showing up at Matteo’s, but he didn’t want to spook Kai. When Matteo had confirmed that Kai was staying with him, the relief had been overwhelming. He knew Matteo would keep him safe, and he wasn’t willing to jeopardize that for anything. That left waiting on Kai to finish work. If he couldcompelhimself to wait that long. He’d already forced himself to wait until the morning rush had passed, and that had worn out most of his patience.
Fuck it.Who was he kidding? It had been over a month since he’d laid eyes on Kai, and he wasn’t waiting another Goddamned minute. He slammed his door, barely registering the flow of traffic as he jogged across the street. Through thewindow, he could see Kai behind the counter, his back turned. It looked like he was focused on a task, but Nolan would recognize him anywhere. He took off his sunglasses as he pulled the door open, praying he wasn’t about to make a catastrophic mistake.
Kai had called him last night for a reason. He had to believe that.
