Page 79 of The Sweetheart
Nolan felt each word like a knife to his heart. Hearing it out loud, knowing Kai had said those words to Katie mere hours before Nolan had sent him away, felt like getting flayed with the cruellest whip.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, but the person he wanted to say those words to was nowhere to hear them.
30
Over the next couple of weeks, Kai found a rhythm in the new life that he was building. Every morning, he showed up early to work and made himself indispensable until Abigail cut him loose at eleven. He liked working at the cafe. It was a great distraction from the state of the rest of his life, killed some hours in the day and put some money in his pocket.
He liked his coworkers. They all accepted Kai into the fold like he’d always been there and didn’t seem to mind that he didn’t say much.
At first, he would leave at the end of his shift, unsure of what to do with himself, but as days slid past him, he started lingering. Abigail seemed not to mind, so he lingered longer, helping out if she had things he could do or sitting out front. He’d spent time exploring the bookstore that took up the back half of the cafe. He’d flipped through a few books, but it just made him think of the one on Nolan’s nightstand that he’d never get to finish.
He kept waiting for the missing to ease, but it never did. Hedidn’t blame Nolan at all, though. He shouldn’t have copied the video. He should have deleted it.
The thing that bothered him the most was how easy it had been for Nolan to end things. He knew it wasn’t rational and maybe not even fair, but it tugged on that part of his brain that wondered what it was about him that made him discardable. He knew his uncle was a piece of shit, but Nolan was good and Kai was the only common denominator.
Sometimes he wondered if Nolan regretted it. As each day blurred into the next, it became easier to believe he didn’t. That the missing was all Kai’s. It hurt so bad it made it hard to breathe. It hurt so bad that, some days, it took all of Kai’s strength to move at all.
Kai had technically finished work a few hours ago, but, as usual, he stuck around and helped Abigail finish the baking and cleaning up. It was mid-afternoon, and a quiet lull followed the lunch rush. He came out of the kitchen to find Abigail watering the plants on the high shelf above the cafe’s front windows, standing tiptoe on a chair and leaning precariously to reach the plants on the far end. Kai huffed in exasperation, already making his way over to her when she reached just a little too far and the chair she was standing on slid sideways out from under her. Abigail shrieked as Kai dashed to her.
“Oof,” Kai grunted, taking an elbow to the chest but catching her just in time. The watering can hit the ground with a crash, water glugging out of it onto the tiles.
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, Kai! Are you okay? Oh, God damn it!” She cussed, rushing to pick up the can.
“I’ll grab the mop,” he told her.
“No, I’ll go,” she said irritably, but Bryce was already wheeling it out to the front. “Oh, thank you, Bryce.” She took the mop from him while Kai grabbed the watering can.
Kai grabbed the folded stepladder from where it was tuckedby the bookshelves and brought it back to the front, unfolding it to finish watering the plants himself.
“Thank you, Kai.” Abigail sighed. “I should have done that to begin with.”
“Is this enough?” he asked, lifting the plant he’d just finished watering down so that she could inspect it.
“That’s perfect. Thank you. Oh, look, it’s having a little baby!” She pointed to a tiny shoot just popping through the soil. Kai smiled, mildly amused, and put it back.
“You know,” Abigail said, dumping the mop in the bucket and wringing it out, “I really appreciate all the extra help you’ve been giving me.”
Kai looked at her warily, waiting to be reprimanded or told that she didn’t want him to do it anymore.
She must have caught his expression, because she shook her head. “No ‘buts.’ I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your help. I’ve been noting your extra hours, and I’ll make sure that you get paid for them, okay?”
“You don’t have to do that. I want to help,” he told her awkwardly, not wanting to cost her extra money, especially when she hadn’t asked for the extra help.
“I guessed that, but you should still be paid for your time. If it was a problem, I would tell you. I promise.”
“You don’t ask for help enough,” Kai told her, trying not to sound accusing.
The corner of her mouth quirked up. “Something tells me you know something about that. My husband used to say the same thing. It used to make him so mad.” There was wistfulness in her voice, and it spoke to the ache inside him. Kai knew that Abigail’s husband had died, but she didn’t talk about him much.
“Do you miss him a lot?” Kai asked quietly.
“Every day.”
“Does it ever get better?” The question was out of his mouth before he realized what he’d said.
“Some days are easier than others. Sometimes, you think it’s getting easier, and then something will bring up a memory and then it kind of feels like it was just yesterday. Staying busy definitely helps.”
Kai nodded in understanding.
