Page 19 of The Sweetheart
Nolan led him to the far corner of the living room, behind the couch, before turning to face him.
“Pants off. Underwear as well.”
So it was a spanking. He’d hoped that, if they got around to that, it would be fun. This was definitely not going to be fun, but a contrary corner of his brain made him stay put. It wanted Nolan to take charge of him and to punish him when he acted out, when no one else would. “Fold them.”
Kai shot him an undercover glare, but Nolan said nothing. It was awkward as fuck standing there with his half-hard dick hanging out when he was getting the opposite of action. He shouldn’t have been hard at all, but there was something arousing about being this vulnerable, this exposed, just for Nolan.
“Face the corner, on your knees. Nose to the wall. Hands behind your back.”
Huh?He was confused, but he did what he was told. Kai saw Nolan squat beside him but continued to stare straight ahead. “This is called starting the way we’re going to continue. You want to act out, you’re going to be punished. You’re going to kneelhere for ten minutes, and while you’re kneeling here, you’re going to meditate on whether my good boy really believes that being rude and raising his hands to his Daddy is the way to get what he wants.” Kai flushed with the beginning of shame. Nolan was silent for a second. When he spoke again, his voice was harsh. “Do you really believe that if I was trying to impress you with my wealth, I’d start with Lego?” He got to his feet, and Kai saw him turn away.
“Don’t leave me.” The words came out in a rush, his eyes snapping to Nolan’s without meaning to.
There was a flicker in his stony expression before he nodded. “Nose to the wall. Ten minutes.”
How long was ten minutes? Kai’s knees were sore, and his abs and glutes were half-cramped from holding him up. The hard edge of Kai’s anger had softened, but there was something else simmering in his chest that he couldn’t put words to just yet. He was also starting to feel a lot ashamed about the way he’d spoken to Nolan. Guilt gave his heart an uncomfortable squeeze, remembering how Nolan had looked like he hit him.
Nolan had taken a seat on the couch, and, even though Kai was sure he was still mad, his presence was soothing. The longer they sat in silence, the quieter his brain and body became. Even his dick had got the memo that this was not the time. That quiet was probably the reason Kai hadn’t said fuck it and walked out.
It also helped that this bond between him and Nolan felt like an anchor. With his brain clearer, he turned his attention to that sensation in his chest. It felt like anger but without the heat. That didn’t make any sense. He cast around, thinking about being in the store, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. It felt like wanting something and not being able to have it. Like not being able to move. Yeah, like being stuck because he felt pulled in too many directions. That was it. He wanted to move, but he couldn’t, and it was so fucking frustrating. Hisattention caught on that word. Anger without the heat was frustration?
Kai didn’t know. He wasn’t getting the words right, but it felt like he was circling close to something. He prodded a little more at it, like a loose tooth, drawing sensation out of it. Trying to make it tell him… something. It wasn’t just Liam and Nolan and the other guys. Somewhere in there was what he wanted for himself, separate from them. But what did he want? When was the last time he’d even thought about that?
A timer went off, jarring Kai from his thoughts.
“Come here, Kai.” Nolan’s voice was soft.
Kai got unsteadily to his feet, still feeling ridiculous at his semi-nude state.
“Kneel.”
Kai sank to his knees between Nolan’s parted thighs, and Kai found that he liked it there. It felt comforting and safe. “Hands behind your back.”
Kai did as he was told. He didn’t look at Nolan but could feel his eyes on him. He waited and waited, but when Nolan continued to sit in silence, Kai felt compelled to say something.
“I’m sorry I pushed you, and I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you.” He looked up at Nolan, trying to convey how sorry he was and read his mood.
Nolan nodded thoughtfully. “Do you believe that I was trying to buy you?”
“No.”
“What do you believe?”
“That you were being nice.”
Nolan hummed with approval. “Have other people treated you that way before, Kai?” His voice was gentle, and Kai felt a hot pulse of guilt. Yes, they had, but Kai couldn’t admit that to Nolan without also admitting that he had invited it, had made using men for what they were willing to part with ninety percentof the reason he was with them to begin with. He didn’t want to give Nolan a reason to end this before he was ready to let him go.
“Answer me.”
“Yes, Daddy.” Kai didn’t look at him, and the words were barely a whisper. It was both a truth and a lie, but it felt more like a lie. For some reason, it felt like being back at the Lego store when Nolan had offered to buy him more. His body trembled like it was physically rejecting the lie. “I let them. I wanted it,” he blurted. He didn’t know where the words came from, only that the dishonesty felt like it was contaminating something perfect, and it felt even worse than the risk of being dumped.
“Sometimes I tricked them.” The trembling morphed into full-on shaking that Kai couldn’t control. It took a second for him to label the source. It was fear. Kai was more terrified of losing Nolan than he’d been in a long time. The idea of going back to that empty numbness felt even worse now that he’d experienced this connection with Nolan. His hands fell to the rug, fisting into it as he tried to keep them still.
“Tricked them?”
“Sometimes I made them think I cared more than I did.” Kai couldn’t look at him. The shame was too much, and he didn’t want to see the moment when Nolan stopped wanting him.
“Was that your plan here? With me?” Nolan’s voice was harsh, like he was asking a question he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to. Kai had to look at him then. Had to show him that he was telling the truth.
