Page 61 of Merciless Wager
If so, why was this happening to me?
The longer I lay like this, the sooner I would be found. Refusing to allow Zarren or those sadistic uncles of his to see me like this, I forced myself to calm down. It was hard as hell considering I was a discombobulated mess on the fucking floor, but I was a Winslow. Not a Barganella. Or a Bocharov. But, a Winslow.
“You can be anything you want to be, Rory,”I could hear in the back recesses of my mind.“You can swim the largest ocean or fly to the farthest planet from here.”
“I can’t do those things,”I could hear myself say.
“Why not? Your dreams should never feel so big that they’re unattainable.”
“What’s un-at-ain-a-bull mean, Daddy?”
“You’re a Winslow. Anything you want to do in life, you can do. Never settle for less than what you want.”
Yet, here I was settling for being tagged like a piece of livestock to be shipped to another continent, where I’d be married off to a stranger and one I’d never love. I had thought I’d felt that for Drake, but if that had been true... been real... I wouldn’t have fallen ass over face for my captor...
Only I couldn’t capture something that never belonged to me.
From the day my mother had fled Palermo for America, my fate had been decided. Everything that had happened since my first breath into this world until now had been a result of my mother’s action. When I’d first learned what it meant to be adopted, I’d been hurt but eternally grateful that I’d landed with my Mom and Dad.
Any dreams I’d dreamt had been ones imagined on borrowed time. My entire upbringing and life to this point had meant nothing. One day, I’d realize the things I had considered dreams were never real. The only thing unattainable in this world I was born into was a normal life.
I’m not Aurora Winslow. I’m Aurora Barganella.
I’m the illegitimate bitch of Cosa Nostra’s own, Leon Barganella.
And soon, I’d be the betrothed whore of Mikhail Bocharov.
But for the most fleeting of moments, I’d also been Zarren’s.
So goddamned mine!
And he’d been right. Since that long, dark road in the dead of the night when I’d put my own wants, needs, hopes, dreams, freedom, and future on the back burner for him, I’d been his. Since the first time his lips touched mine, awakening a fire inside of me that burned bright until now, I’d been his.
The voices grew louder and I rolled over onto my back. I needed to get up before they found me in the exact shape I least wanted them to find me in. I forced myself to get back onto my feet. There was one more suitcase to go, and after grabbing everything from the dresser, including two T-shirts of his, I brought them back to the bed.
I stuffed everything inside of them except for one of the shirts, which I brought to my nose. I inhaled his scent into me, hoping it would give me strength. All it managed to do was weaken me further. It fell from my hands into the suitcase, along with a few more tears.
All of my stuff from the bathroom came next, and finally, I had only my nightstand to clean out. There wasn’t much to be found in it. My obvious travel documents and identification were there, as well as a notebook Zarren had gotten for me at my request. I hadn’t really written much in it to date, and now regret over not doing so caused the earlier rope binding me to wrap around my neck like a noose.
After grabbing my things from the drawer, I was about to close the last suitcase when something fell onto the bed beside it. A long, jagged, single shard of glass. I’d picked it up off of Zarren’s floor the other night when he’d erupted in a fit of anger.
I hadn’t really understood why I thought of doing it at the time. Had I been scared of him? Did I think he would turn that anger on me? He obviously had issues, as evidenced by the condition he came home in yesterday.
As I held the jagged glass in my hand, it shook from my trembling. I’d never get out of this place alive, but maybe... No,this is crazy. Walking to the bathroom to throw it away, I kept repeating one thing to myself.
Be strong! Be strong! Be strong! Be strong!
I’d nearly dropped it into the garbage can as intended, but the voices raised higher. Leaving it on the counter instead, I quickly slipped out of the bathroom and bedroom, making myself part of the wallpaper.
“Z, she has to go,” is all I heard, and I escaped back to the room before a sob could break free. The bedroom door did not have a lock, so I raced into the bathroom and secured its lock in place before flattening myself against the door.
Tears sprang to my eyes, then fell unchecked down my face. Would it be two minutes, five, ten... It didn’t matter. They would not be leaving here without me. The earlier panic returned, but this time I clutched the counter to hold myself upright. I’d always been the perfect law-abiding citizen, having never even done so much as lie to my parents, until I got here and was forced to.
Now, I was at the mercy of a criminal organization, and not even the one I was born into. Soon, I would be fully entrenched within another crime family as well. I’d never skipped school, broken curfew, cheated on a test, or even gotten a speeding ticket, but now I was being shipped from one prison to another with no chance of appeal.
I scrubbed my shaky hands down my face. My fingers and toes were as cold as ice, and I tried desperately to force movement into them. It was to no avail, as with everything else in what had become my life.
I can’t live like this... I won’t live like this...
