Page 141 of Never After Us
I know you were hurting that night, or at least you pretended well enough for me to carry this guilt for so many years.I can’t forgive myself.
I wish you had told me everything that was going on that made you so absent.I wish you had given me the chance to stand beside you instead of leaving me in the dark.I wish you hadn’t made me feel small, confused, and abandoned.I wish you hadn’t taught me to expect loss from every person I love.
This letter won’t reach you.But the fury has to go somewhere, and today it goes here.
Maybe this is how I finally stop letting your choices define what I believe about myself.Maybe one day I’ll write another letter to let you know I’ve healed and that I hope you rest in peace.For now I can’t wish for anything but a way out from these emotions that keep me trapped in a place where I can’t be the mom our little one deserves.
—Mara
ChapterFifty-Eight
Mara
“You made it on time.”I open the door, and there he is.Alec Hovard rumpled from the day, eyes already softening when they meet my gaze.
“They tried to keep me later,” he says, stepping in, “but Dex and I had to go to our respective women.”He leans in, presses a kiss to the tip of my nose, then scans the space behind me.“Is she asleep?”
“Yep.”I nod and step back to let him in.
His hands find my hips just as I’m about to close the door.He pulls me in gently, his mouth brushing mine, testing.Then he deepens the kiss like he’s got time to savor it.
My breath catches as his lips part mine with slow, possessive intent.His tongue teases—lazy at first, then deeper.He doesn’t just kiss me—he consumes me.Like he’s been imagining the taste of my mouth all day, and now that he has it, he’s not letting go.A soft, needy sound slips from my throat as my fingers twist into his jacket, toes curling from the ache blooming low and deep, all heat and hunger wrapped in something far too tender.
“Missed you, babe,” he murmurs against my mouth.
“Missed you more,” I breathe, my fingers tightening around his collar.
Then he pulls back slightly, brows dipping.He runs his thumb under my eye.“You cried?”
I nod, lips still tingling.“I wrote a couple of letters.One to Sam and the other to Lina.”
“One shorter than the other?”he asks, stepping all the way inside.
I move aside to let him pass.“You know it.”
“Who got the fuck-you today?”
I laugh, a short huff as I close the door.“It wasn’t a fuck-you.More like a ‘I’m unhappy with you.’That one went to Lina.Sam’s already gotten his fair share of those, ‘fuck you’ letters.Today I was able to write a long letter.”
He smirks and heads to the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves to start the kettle.“How was today’s therapy session?”
“Better.The writing she suggested a couple of weeks ago helps.Maybe eventually they’ll turn sad ... maybe even accepting.”I trail off, leaning against the counter.
“That’s good though, right?”
I shrug again.It’s complicated.
“By the way, your mom called me,” he says after a beat.“Wanted to check on Mila.Asked if you’re planning to see her soon.”
I stare at him.“I can’t believe you’re in contact with Laura.”
“She’s cool,” he says, like it’s nothing.Like it’s normal to bond with my overbearing mother even when they haven’t met—or when I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to her again.
“You’re a good man, Alec Hovarth,” I whisper, crossing the space between us.
My arms slide around his waist.He turns to face me fully, his hands catching my hips, warm and familiar.I tip up to kiss him again, this time slower, letting everything simmer just beneath the surface.
His hands glide up my back, one resting at the nape of my neck as he presses closer.I part my lips, and he takes the invitation.The kiss grows hot—lazy at first, but pulsing with need.I shift against him, and he groans when my body brushes his, unmistakable heat flaring between us.
