Page 129 of Never After Us
“Mara,” he says—quiet, steady, real.“Hey.Look at me.”
I try.Fuck, I try.But everything inside me is clawing, screaming.The journal.The bracelet.Her handwriting.My body doesn’t know where to put the grief.
“This isn’t—this can’t—she wasn’t—I wasn’t?—”
“Mara, babe,” Alec says again, closer now.“Breathe with me.Come on.Right here.”
“I can’t, I can’t—” My whole-body shakes now.I want to run.I want to disappear.I want this to stop.
“You can.You’re here with me.”His forehead touches mine.His breath brushes across my cheek, calm and slow.“Just try.One breath.In through your nose.”
I drag in air—too fast, too shallow.
“Slower,” he whispers.“You’re okay.You’re safe.I’ve got you.”
His hand finds mine and brings it to his chest.Tapping boom, boom, boom.Twice, thrice in a rhythm that somehow begins to bring me back.
“Feel that?”he murmurs.“That’s me.I’m right here.You’re with me.”
And I believe him.
Even if only for a moment.
He shifts, guiding my hands to his chest—right over his heart.The beat pounds beneath my fingers, not calm, not perfect, but real.Human.Like he’s saying,I’m here.Stay with me.And somehow, it cuts through the spiral, dragging me out of the freefall one heartbeat at a time.
“Let’s try to breathe again,” he whispers.
He counts we inhale and exhale together, even when my breathing stutters a little.Actually, my exhale shivers out of me.
“That’s it,” he murmurs.“I’m not going anywhere.You’re safe.”
Tears burn hot at the corners of my eyes.I squeeze them shut because looking at the page again will break me.
“She—she was my ...”I gasp trying to breathe, to talk, to think, and to ...“She had me.She left me.She?—”
His arms come around me before the sob even leaves my chest.He pulls me into him, tight and careful, like he’s holding something fragile he refuses to let fall.
“I know,” he says, voice thick with something I’m too overwhelmed to name.“I know, baby.I’m here.”
I bury my face against his shoulder, the journal slipping from my fingers as the truth slams into me—a brutal, unforgiving punch to a part of me I didn’t even know was exposed.My whole-body trembles, not just from shock but from every old bruise inside me suddenly knocking against the surface.
“She didn’t want me,” I breathe, barely forming the words.They scrape out of me, fragile and trembling.“She didn’t want me, Alec.”
His arms tighten around me immediately, his own breath stuttering like he’s been hit too.“That’s not true,” he says, firm but soft.“That’s the last thing this means.”
“She hid me,” I choke out.“She kept me a secret—she didn’t tell anyone—she?—”
“She protected you.”His hand moves up my back, slow, steadying, tracing the line of my spine like he’s trying to keep me from flying apart.“She was sixteen, Mara.There weren’t many choices back then.And Thomas?—”
He doesn’t finish.He doesn’t have to.I know what happened to Thomas.He died.He died before he even knew I existed, and she ...
My fist tightens in Alec’s shirt like it’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this world.Like if I let go, I’ll fall straight through the earth.
Because that’s what it feels like.
Like dying.
My lungs seize.Every breath shrinks smaller than the one before it.My limbs go cold, useless, trembling.My body curls inward, as if it’s trying to shield itself from the impact of something already tearing through me.
