Page 100 of Never After Us
By the time I reach Dr.Bennet’s office, my jaw’s tight, and my grip on the steering wheel feels fused to bone.I park, walk in, and collapse onto his couch like I’m hoping it’ll swallow me whole.
He doesn’t say anything at first.Just glances up from his notepad like he’s already bracing for whatever bullshit I’m about to hurl his way.
“Alec,” he says, greeting me with that calm tone he probably practiced in school.“How are the grounding exercises?”
“Grounding,” I repeat, nodding like I’ve rehearsed.“Yes.Very grounded.”
I sink deeper into the cushions like I’m trying to hide inside them.
He folds his hands.“That almost sounded convincing.Do you believe it?”
“It should be convincing.I practiced.”I let my head fall back.“Let’s get this over with.I have a full schedule of avoiding emotional mistakes today.”
He raises a brow.“Such as?”
“People,” I say.“Mostly one in particular.”
Even saying that much tugs something in my chest I don’t want to name.It feels like betrayal to admit it aloud—that I’m affected.That someone has touched a part of me I swore didn’t exist or broke a long time ago.
He waits.He’s too good at waiting.We could stay forever challenging each other to see who’ll give up first.I let him win because I don’t have all fucking day.
“It’s one of those days,” I mutter.“Where everything feels like too much.”
He leans back.“Too much what?”
I shrug.My hand plays with the fraying thread on my cuff.“People.”
“And by people, you mean ...?”
I don’t answer.He already knows.I’ve been talking about her too many times during our sessions ever since ...probably since she arrived and her scary child made me want to jet out of the city or maybe even the country.
But of course, he wants me to say it.
“Her,”I mutter.“And the kid.”
Dr.Bennet nods, slow and understanding in a way that feels like he’s rearranging my ribs from the inside out.“You said last time you were here that you felt yourself getting attached.”
“That was hypothetical,” I snap.“It was more like awhat ifI get attached?”
He raises a brow.“And now?”
I breathe out through my teeth.“Now I think I was misunderstating the situation.And I’ve decided to create emotional space.”
He picks up his pen, taps it once against his legal pad.“Emotional space.”
“That’s it,” I say.“It’s the healthiest thing for everyone.”
Dr.Bennet lifts his pen, taps it once against the yellow legal pad.“Healthy to create ...”Another tap.“Space.”
“Emotional space,” I clarify, because if he’s going to repeat what I’m saying, he can at least do it accurately.
His eyes don’t move, but I can feel the question before he says it.“And what does that space look like for you?”
“Distance,” I mutter.“No contact.Less time.More logic.”
“And how does that feel?”
“You always ask that,” I say.“You don’t have anything new in your repertoire?”
