Page 50 of My Dead Wife's Ex Will Do
“Why do you stay?” I can’t stop myself from asking. Jason looks off into the rainforest just beyond the path Kelsey will walk down as a makeshift aisle tomorrow.
“My job,” he says simply. “I love my job. And there aren’t a ton of opportunities for organists and choral conductors, much less one with a doctoral degree in sacred music.”
When he looks back at me, his eyes shift over my shoulder and the expression on his face changes. He doesn’t look angry anymore, but he’s lost the vulnerability that he let me see.
“Dad?” Kelsey comes up from behind and stops next to me. “I should have told you about asking Daddy to perform the wedding ceremony.”
It’s not exactly an apology and it doesn’t really clear the air between us. I’m not sure whether she saw me embrace Jason, and, at this point, I care more about Jason’s feelings than Kelsey’s about us.
“It’s okay,” Jason says. “I understand not wanting a stranger to officiate. I’m glad Victor agreed to do it.” He smiles—tight, performed—but he's putting on a good show. “Let’s finish the rehearsal, okay? I’m ready for a drink.”
We walk through the ceremony, which doesn’t take long, and Luz checks in with Kelsey and Adrienne about a couple of last-minute things. Jason disappears toward the bar and I’m about to follow when Adrienne catches my arm.
“Victor, wait.”
I stop, wary. I’ve had enough interrogations for one trip.
But Adrienne just tilts her head toward Kelsey, who’s standing at the edge of the gazebo, watching the path Jason took. “She wants to talk to you. She won’t admit it, but she’s worried about him.”
“Then she should go talk to him, not me.”
“She’s scared. She doesn’t know what’s going on.” Adrienne gives me a look. “Neither do I, for that matter. But whatever it is, Kelsey saw you two talking and she’s been chewing her thumbnail for the past ten minutes.”
I glance over at Kelsey. She does look worried. Young and uncertain.
“Fine,” I mutter, and walk over to her.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey.” She doesn’t look at me. “Is Dad okay?”
“Not really,” I say honestly.
“I saw you—“ She stops, bites her lip. “You were hugging him. Before I came over. He looked upset.”
So she did see. “Yeah.”
She fidgets with her engagement ring, turning it around and around her finger. “Is it my fault? The officiant thing?”
It’s more complicated than that, but I’m not going to explain Jason’s crisis of faith to his stepdaughter in a gazebo the night before her wedding. “Didn’t help.” She winces and I soften, a little. “But it’s not really about you, Kels. It’s about him and the Church and…a lot of things.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t understand what’s going on. With him. With you two. Any of it.”
“I know.” I take a breath. We’re not okay, Kelsey and me. She said some things yesterday that I’m not over, and I’m sure she’s not over what I said either. But right now, that’s not what matters. “You should go talk to him.”
“What would I even say?”
“I don’t know. But I think he needs you right now more than he needs me.”
She searches my face for a long moment. I don’t know what she’s looking for. Permission, maybe? Or some sign that I’m not angry anymore? I am still angry. But I’m also tired, and worried about Jason, and not willing to blow up either of our relationships with our daughter.
“Okay,” she finally says. She turns to go, then stops. “Daddy?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m still mad at you. But I don’t want to be.”
It’s not an apology. But it’s something.
