Page 92 of So I'll Know
And just like every morning for the past two weeks, I cried. Again. Christmas being only a week away doesn’t help either. Everyone is so fucking cheerful.
Before Jeremy, I could probably count the number of times I’d cried in my life on one hand. I certainly never cried over any girl I dated. And the displaced feeling that I felt before I started seeing him has returned a hundredfold since I left. Without him, I’m untethered, floating through life with monotony. I miss his color.
My phone rings, and I frown when I see John’s number. He mostly texts me and emails, so calling me is a concerning development.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, Marcus. I’m sorry to bother you.” There’s a pregnant pause and then, “I saw your engagement announcement in the business section ofThe Seattle Times. Are you doing okay?”
“If you’re asking if I’m enjoying all the attention I’m getting, no, I’m not. Thankfully, Sabrina is just as disgusted by the whole thing as I am, so we have each other, I suppose.” I sigh. “Did you really just call to check on me, John?”
“No, I actually have some news.” He clears his throat. “After combing through all of the physical files your contact gave us, I thought we’d reached a dead end trying to find the names of those two board members. As I mentioned in my last email, even the actual files had a lot of blacked-out information, just like the electronic ones, but then we found some paperwork for a payment that was made just before they died. Remember when I told you there was a finance employee who mysteriously disappeared?”
“Sure.”
“Well, he wrote the name of the property-manager-slash-hitman Ryan used in the memo line and filed it with an old jump drive. I suspect he wanted someone to find this information.”
An overwhelming sense of dread floods my gut, but I push through it. “Well, this is good news, right?”
“Yeah, it could be our smoking gun, Marcus. I’m hoping that the paperwork plus whatever is on the drive is enough to take to the FBI and get Ryan arrested. The drive is encrypted, so it’ll take Courtney’s team some time to untangle all that.” He pauses. “Just so you know, so far, there’s really no evidence that your father knew what was going on at the time, but he was certainly part of the meeting before the board members were murdered, so I think we can implicate him as Ryan’s business partner and confidant and use that as blackmail.” John’s voice grows cold, and I’m reminded of the fact that he and my father have a rocky history. “If Martin wants to keep Skynet’s reputation from being completely fucked, he’ll have to back off of you, Charlie, and Seb.”
“Thank you, John. I need to get going, but I appreciate all of this.” I pause and swallow. “It feels like we’re making progress.”
“Of course. Just a little longer, son.”
I hang up, staring down at my phone. I wait for the relief to come, and I hate that the first person I want to call is Jeremy. I want to tell him what John said: Just a little longer. I want to try again. I want to tell him that I just wanted to protect him, and breaking his heart was better than seeing him dead. But it’s probably too little, too late.
I leave my condo, walking briskly to the loading zone, where my father’s driver is already waiting. I climb into the car with a heavy heart, and we make our way to Sabrina’s place on Lake Washington. I can barely focus, the road outside a kaleidoscope of bright headlights and suffocating darkness.
Sabrina looks stunning, as always, when she opens the doorto the SUV and slides in next to me. Her citrus scent fills the car, and it has a somewhat calming effect. I give her a tight smile and loosen my tie a little, already feeling breathless and a little overwhelmed.
She raises the partition between us and the drive so that we have some privacy, and then turns to me. “You doing okay, sweetheart?” Her perfectly shaped brows are lowered in concern, and she places a gentle hand on my thigh, which grounds me further as we pull back into traffic and make the drive to the venue in Queen Anne.
I give her a tight nod. “As okay as can be expected.”
She already knows what happened—what I did—and she and Laura were ready with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream the next day. I fell asleep at their place that night, curled around their very lavish toilet.
Not my finest hour.
I’ve never let myself fall apart like that, but also, nothing has ever hurt this fucking much.
Pretty sure I’m in love with him, and for all our sakes, I wish I weren’t.
I’m so fucking grateful for Sabrina’s friendship right now. Norah is so far away and, of course, I can’t talk to my siblings about this charade and what’s at stake. And Tris, well, he’s cordial because we work together, but he firmly took Jeremy’s side in this mess, as he should have. I’m glad Jeremy has Tris and Marion.
I try to even my breaths, easing the panicky feeling fluttering in my chest. “I did get good news from John.” I tell her about our phone call as she absently smooths out the front of her dress while she listens.
“Why don’t you sound happy?”
I shrug. “I guess the end just feels far away.” I move to run a hand through my hair and grimace when I’m met with stiff hair gel. “We still have to figure out what’s on the drive and thenhold all the info until spring when you take over for your father.”
She smiles sympathetically. “Do you want some tea? I think it’ll calm your nerves.”
I glance up in confusion. “You have tea?”
She gives me a tolerant smile. “Gossip, sweetie.”
“Oh, right. Sure.”
