Page 89 of So I'll Know
I can’t help the smile that turns my lips as I listen to him talk animatedly about the callback he got from the fancy-pants actor prick in Cannon Beach, who wants to call me as a work reference. It sounds like Jeremy’s got his next job in the bag. I knew he would. He’s so fucking talented.
Jeremy’s brushing my wrist with every swing of his arm, his fingers flexing like he’s resisting the urge to hold my hand. “Anyway, Flash said he can’t wait for me to start?—”
“Wait, he asked you to call him Flash?” Jeremy nods, grinning at me. I narrow my eyes. “What’s he look like?”
Jeremy taps his chin in an exaggerated way. “Oh, you know. Big and muscly. Think Chris Hemsworth inThor: Love and Thunder.”
I choke on my own spit and stop, glaring at him. “I’m sorry?” He keeps walking and sticks out his tongue at me. “I hope you’re kidding.”
“Why does it matter?” Jeremy looks back at me with a raised eyebrow, and I follow him. “Are you jealous again, Marcus?”
I grimace. It’s not fair for me to be jealous—not with my current train of thought. I was naïve to think this could ever work, even behind closed doors.
And even if I pushed past my newfound fears about Ryan, which I can’t, I have no doubt that if my father found out about Jeremy, he’d do something to hurt him—probably not physically, but he’s an expert at ruining careers.
Fuck that.
I won’t let Jeremy lose his livelihood because of me. If there’s anything I’ve learned since I started working with Jeremy Hart, it’s that he’s really fucking good at his job. The Seattle location is going to be fucking beautiful, thanks to him. Which is why the decision I’m about to make is probably the right thing to do.
No, itisthe right thing to do.
He deserves better. Someone who will indulge his soft spots for movies and cats and playing pinball. Someone who appreciates his sass and wit and penchant for colorful Converse and over-the-top nail polish. Someone who can love him in the open. That person exists, and it’s not me. Not right now.
He’s going to hate me. But I’m doing it for him.
I’m going to break up with Jeremy.
Tonight.
This—us—is all too risky. Of course, I didn’t plan on Tris and Marion finding out. But I’m going to stick to my plan. When he told me that he wouldn’t need to come into the pub anymore, it seemed like fate, despite how heavy my heart feels. And it feels fucking heavy.
We reach Jeremy’s apartment and he misses a step,stumbling with a little giggle. I catch him around the hips, and he freezes for a minute before melting against me, his back to my chest.
I turn him around carefully. Standing two steps above me, he’s almost as tall as I am. His pale skin is flawless under the streetlight, his hair practically glowing around his pretty face. I watch his freckles dance as he scrunches his nose at me.
I glance around. We’re alone, and I consider leaving right then. I should kiss him goodnight and never look back.
That’s what Ishoulddo.
But when he gazes at me, his teal eyes bright with lust and something dangerously close to love, I selfishly give in to my heart. This kid is my fucking weakness. Resistance is literally futile.
Just tonight, though, which will make him hate you even more.
A lump fills my throat. We’re so close that we’re sharing hazy breaths in the winter air. I reach for him and run a gentle hand through his hair, pushing it off his forehead, my palm cupping the back of his skull. I press our mouths together gently, running my tongue along his impossibly soft lips. He smells like flowers and tastes like cranberry juice, and it’s so damn intoxicating. Jeremy whimpers into my mouth, the sound going straight to my cock as I swallow it down along with any regrets tomorrow will bring.
Mask your emotions. You’re good at that.
I deepen the kiss, and Jeremy presses his lithe form against mine. My cock, already rock hard, grinds against his, and I’m about to lose all the control I’ve tried so hard to maintain.
I pull back, panting. “Jer, unlock the door. I need to get you inside, like, yesterday.”
He gives me one last lingering kiss and pulls back with an impish grin. Then he takes my hand and turns to the door. He reaches into his pocket for his keys and lets us in. We prettymuch maul each other at that point, our coats forgotten on the floor.
I almost trip when Toothless weaves between our legs, letting out a loud, needy meow.
“Not now, bud,” Jeremy says, nudging T away with his toe.
Jeremy rips open my shirt and a button flies away, pinging into a dark corner. Toothless scampers after it. I shrug my flannel off and yank Jeremy’s T-shirt over his head.
