Page 116 of So I'll Know
“But I want it to be real.”
“I know you do, but that doesn’t make it easy, Marcus.”
“What do you mean?”
“Knowing that you’re queer in your head is different than admitting it out loud. Same with loving someone.”
I open my mouth to object to theL-word, but she gives me a warning look. To be honest, she makes a good point. Just admitting I’m bi to Jeremy was monumentally difficult and simultaneously a huge relief.
Sabrina smiles, but I can see a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I know because I’ve been there. It makes you feel exposed and vulnerable. How others react to it is out of your control, and even though you and I haven’t known each other long, I get the impression that you’re a bit of a control freak.”
I lean back and cross my arms over my chest. “I’m not a control freak.”
“You sent your drink back twice today.”
“Fine. But I was polite about it,” I say pointedly and take another sip of my tea. “Can we talk about something else? How’s the wedding planning going?”
She snickers. “I have no idea. My father hired a very expensive wedding planner, and I’ve just been blindly approving stuff. I kind of want to have the wedding just to see what kind of shitshow is being put together.”
“Somehow I don’t think Jeremy and Laura would approve.”
“Probably not.” She pushes some strands of hair from her face. “Have you heard anything else about Ryan?”
I shake my head. “My dad said he’s still gone. I think he knows more about it, but he’s being very tight-lipped, and he snaps at me when I ask, so whatever Ryan is off doing, my dad isn’t happy about it.”
“Weird.”
“Yeah, I’m just glad something’s distracting him.”
Sabrina’s phone buzzes on the table, and I jump.
“Sorry,” she mutters with a giggle as she pulls it out, lighting up the screen. “Oh, I should go. Laura is hungry, and if I don’t feed her, she’ll turn feral.”
I chuckle. “Understood.”
We stand, and Sabrina presses a lingering kiss to my cheek. “Later, Roy,” she says with a wink. “Say hello to your boy for me.”
“I will.”
I cut back through Pike Place Market and toward my condo. I consider what Sabrina said and wonder again if I’ll be brave enough to come out to my family or whether it’ll be an emotional disaster. Could go either way, honestly. But she is right about one thing: Jeremy does matter, and I should make him feel that way.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
JEREMY
The Washington countryside rolls by, everything a green-brown blur through the water-streaked glass.
I sigh and turn down the music; all the Radiohead that Marcus has been blasting is giving me a headache. “So who else, besides your siblings, will be here tonight?”
We haven’t talked much on the two-hour drive. Marcus turned up his favorite angsty rock station as soon as we got in the truck and has been lost in his head ever since.
He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, a smile playing at his lips. It’s the first sign of joy I’ve seen in him all day. “Are you nervous?”
I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. “No, but I’d still like to know.”
I’m not really nervous for myself, but Iamnervous for Marcus.
I know sharing his sexuality with his family will be a huge step, considering how emotionally closed off he tends to be. Already, he’s reverted to acting moody and brooding, hardly talking to me all day except to ask if I could bring pictures ofsome last-minute design changes we agreed on to show Sebastian.
