Page 113 of So I'll Know
Instead, I say the next best thing: “I want you to top me.”
Jeremy’s eyes widen.
“I mean, if you want to,” I rush to say.
I’ve been considering this for a while, and initially, the thought was simultaneously terrifying and hot—and the fear always won out. But the more I’ve come to terms with my sexuality, the more it just feels like the next step. And when I feeloverwhelmed, like I do now, I don’t always want to be in charge. Sometimes, I want to release control.
Jeremy is the only person I’ve been able to do that with.
“I want to,” he says immediately.
“Have you ever?”
Jeremy shakes his head. “No, everyone has always treated me as the little spoon.” He pauses, and his breath stutters slightly. “But also, I’ve never wanted to before you.”
I kiss him hard, grinding my cock into his, and we both shiver. “I need you so badly right now, Jer,” I say into his mouth, and he hums in agreement.
Jeremy pulls off my shirt, tossing it across the room, and then tugs on my sweats. I lift my hips, helping him remove them.
“No boxers?” he says with a raised eyebrow.
“You always seem to make me come in them, and I’m running out of clean underwear.”
He pushes me back, then crawls on top of me and straddles my thighs, giving my cock a firm pull, and my eyes roll back at the feeling of his warm hand. “Oh, so you’re blaming me for your foregasms?”
I lift up on my elbows and look down at him, trying to keep my breaths steady while he continues to jack me. “My what, now?”
“Foregasms. You know, orgasms during foreplay.”
I scoff. “I donotdo that.”
Jeremy drips spit onto my dick, and his hand tightens, sliding deliciously over my tip. At the same time, he slides a finger against my taint.
“Fuck!” I yell as I tense, pleasure spiraling up my spine.
He pinches the base of my cock before I come, giving me a pointed look. “You were saying?”
I glare at his shit-eating grin, and he gives me another lazy pull as he studies me with hooded eyes. He looks so fucking hottowering over me, and I release control. Instantly, I feel the tension drain from my limbs.
“Get me the lube,” he demands.
I reach over to my nightstand, pulling the little bottle from the drawer. I try to hand it to him, but he shakes his head. “You’re going to get yourself ready, baby. Now, show me your hole.” I start to turn over, but he stops me with a firm hand. “No, I want to see your face while you do this.”
I lick my lips and nod, lying back on the bed. I bring my legs up so that my knees are almost touching my chest. Every time, this position makes me feel so exposed, and I feel a hot flush on my face.
Jeremy runs the back of his fingers against the stubble on my cheek. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“You look so sexy with your little pink hole on display for me.”
Even though his words light me up inside, I still feel self-conscious as I open the lube bottle with shaky fingers and dribble the cool liquid between my cheeks. I run my finger through it and smear it around my asshole.
“Inside, too, big guy. Get yourself nice and wet.”
I tentatively slide my pointer finger inside myself, all the way to my knuckle. A little sigh escapes my lips. It goes in so easily, but nerves fill my stomach because I already feel so full, and this is just my finger.
Jeremy nods in encouragement, his breathing picking up as he strokes himself lazily while he watches me. “Add another and relax it into it.”
