Page 32 of Disarm
I finally convincemyself to get out of bed and start the day like a ghost.
Shower. Coffee. Pretend to study. Avoid the mirror.
My one class today isn’t until one forty, so I’m trying to keep myself busy. The game tomorrow already has me stressed. It doesn’t help that I’ve already gotten three texts from my dad about it.
Dad
See you tomorrow, Bud. I’ll be sitting as close as I can.
Can’t wait to see you sink that three-pointer you’ve been working on.
Hopefully, the coach gives you enough court time.
I don’t respond to them. Doesn’t stop me from checking my phone every few minutes to see if Miguel has texted back. Eventhough I know he’s probably working. The messages sit there like an open wound.
At noon, I give up on pretending and walk down to the cliffs. I emailed my professor about needing a mental health break, and thankfully, she was more than accommodating. The ocean’s a sheet of gray glass before me, and the wind bites. I sit in the damp grass, hoodie pulled tight, and try to breathe through the noise, hoping it quiets the thoughts in my head.
For years, I’ve had this rule. Never let anyone stay long enough to notice when I’m starting to break—safer that way. People leave… I just never give them the opportunity to get there first.
But Miguel’s different. He doesn’t flinch when I pull back. He just waits. Like he knows I’ll circle back when the fear burns out.
That’s what kills me.
He’s patient.Too patient.
Part of me worries I’m using that patience like a crutch. That I’ll never be able to be what he wants, even though he constantly tells me I’m everything to him.
By three,the guilt gets too heavy to sit with. I grab my phone and open Miguel’s and my messages again.
Caleb
You home?
Nothing.
A minute later?—
Miguel
Yeah. Job ended a little early today.
My chest loosens just a little.
Caleb
Can I come by?
There’s a pause.
Miguel
You never have to ask that, baby.
Even if I’m not home. It’s your home too. Eat, sleep, do whatever you want.
Three dots dance across the screen for a moment, then…
Miguel
