Page 56 of Savage Boss
My hands tremble as I wrap my arms around myself, trying to steady the storm inside and block the cold. I look at Dmitri through a blur of tears, searching his face for something—reassurance, understanding—anything. What do I look like through his eyes at this moment? The world feels impossibly heavy, and I wish I could rewind to before everything changed, before this truth split my life in two, but there’s no going back now.
The air between us is thick with so many things, with longing and fear, and a hundred questions I can’t bring myself to ask. I wish I could be braver, could somehow put all the pieces together and make sense of the chaos swirling inside me. But I feel lost, like I’m standing at the edge of something vast and unknown, and all I can do is hope that Dmitri will reach out and catch me before I fall.
“I didn’t do it to betray you. I didn’t keep it from you to punish you. I swear.”
His silence, and the way he just stands there and stares at me, makes panic well in the center of my chest, causing the words to keep pouring out, like a flood I can’t stop.
“I swear there was no bigconspiracyto keep it from you. I was just so confused and shocked when I found out, and I had no idea what to do. And you’re, well, you, and that’s scary, too. I have no idea if you even want this baby or me now, or if you want what this baby represents. You’ve already lost one, and I can understand if you don’t want another. There are so many what-ifs, and I feel so lost, Dmitri. I don’t know who to turn to, because no one can possibly have any insight into this situation to give me advice?—”
Dmitri closes the space between us in two long strides. He grips my arms, the fierce expression on his face, the burning of his eyes, stopping my words cold. I don’t know what it means, nor am I prepared for what happens next.
Dmitri drops to his knees in front of me.
“I will protect you, you and the baby. I swear I will never let anything happen to either of you.”
Whatever I was about to say flies out of my head as he wraps his arms around my hips and pulls me close so he can lay his forehead on my belly, where our child is growing.
I can’t see his face, but I can feel his emotion in the way he holds me so tightly, as if he’ll never let go. His fingers dig into my hips as his shoulders tremble, speaking softwords in Russian.
It grows colder as we remain like that, a tableau of joy mixed with fear in the darkness by the river. It’s not until I begin to shiver, my teeth to chatter, that Dmitri finally gets to his feet. His eyes glisten with emotion.
Dmitri takes his tux jacket off and drapes it around my shoulders. It’s warm and it smells like him, comforting me instantly. Then he pulls me into his arms and holds me close, resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Never wonder if I want this child, Clara. I want this child with all my heart, just like I want you in my life with all my heart.” He nuzzles my hair, his breath warm and smelling faintly of scotch. “Never question that, Clara.”
I hang on to him, my fingers knotting in the fabric of his shirt as I try to swallow away the burning in my eyes at his words. I didn’t realize how anxious I was about Dmitri’s reaction untilnow, when the emotions threaten to spill out and wash me away with theirintensity.
The cold is nipping at my ears and the tip of my nose when I finally pull away with a question.
“How does Andrey know I’m pregnant? My doctor knows and Pavel knows, because you had him following me. It can’t be Pavel?—”
“No, it’s not Pavel.” Dmitri’s brusque reply leaves no room for doubt.
“Then it has to be someone who knows about us, about me, things like my schedule. When I’m out of the office?—”
Just then a new thought pops into my head, a hunch, an odd feeling, like I hold a lost puzzle piece in my hand.
“What are you thinking?” Dmitri asks. “I’ve come to know that expression—you’re on to something.”
Does he really know me so well?
“Not yet. But I have an idea. Will you let me follow it and help you find the mole?”
Dmitri frowns.
“I’ll be careful, I promise, but I know how to do this. Let me help you find out how Andrey’s getting information and help you find the mole. I want to do this.”
I stare up at his face, wondering what is going on behind thatstoicmask of his. He sighs and pulls me back to him, and I can feel his voice rumbling in his chest when he speaks.
“Only if you promise to steer clear of any danger. You will only help me find the mole and nothing else. Do you understand?”
“I understand.”
He pulls away and holds me at arm’s length, locking eyes with me. “Will you also do as I say in order to keep you safe?”
I sigh. “Yes.”
“Do you promise?”
