Page 25 of Savage Boss
“BecauseI'm on birth control. The same one that we went together to get at the clinic when we were in college. The same one that both of us are still on. That’s why.”
So whydoesit seem more probable the more I deny it?
“Wait, didn'tthe pharmacy have a mix-up? I remember you called me frustrated because they didn't have it in stock, and you were annoyed because that was going to throw off your entire month, if you had to wait to get it. Did you get it on time, or not?”
I bite my lower lip, suddenly remembering with great clarity that exact conversation. It happened just before I got a call from a client who took all my attention away. I didn’t get my prescription refilled for another week because I had to go to a different pharmacy to remedy the situation. I hadn't thought anything of it in the momentbecauseI had sworn off men and relationships when I ended it with Dean, and I was full steam ahead on that until?—
Until the night of Emily's bachelorette party.
“No,”I draw the word out in a weak denial, fear clenching my insides.“No,that can't be it. No, no, no, no! Thatcan'tbe it.”
Emily's eyes widen. “Shit.”
We walk to the bodega together in complete silence. I grab more ginger ale and some crackerswhileshe grabs two pregnancy tests I can't bring myself to pick up.
We walk back to my apartment in silence again, bundled against the cold and the chillofthe possibility facing me when we get back.
We spend the next forty-five minutes avoiding the elephant in the room. I fill her in on more on the details about what happened at theSmirnov Corporationheadquarters and at the police station. I decided nottotell my best friend the identity of the company's owner, but now I'm thinking that might have been a mistake.
When it grows silent, I know it’s time to take the test. I stand outside the bathroom door, the box clutched in my hands feeling as heavy as cement.
“Whatif I just don't take it and see what happens? There's a good chance it's just nerves.”
Emily gets up and puts a soft hand on my shoulder, her expression understanding and kind, which I find annoying under the circumstances.“Youneed to know one way or the other. If you are, you have choices and decisions to make. It’s better that you find out now. These are critical development weeks. You have to make sure you have the right levels of folate and iron, and your hormones are?—”
“Alright, I get it,”Igritout and go into the bathroom.
Emily and I end up sitting on the bathroom floor again, waiting, my heart pounding against my ribs like it wants to escape. We don't talk; we just count down thefiveminutes that seem to last forever.
When the timer goes off, I'm staring at two lines.
“Fuck.”Emily is peering down at the test with me.“Thoselines are really, really bright.”
I can't take my eyes away from the pink double lines that tell me I’m pregnant.
Anhour ago, my life was on track, and the toughest decision I had to make was whether to stay at my job or find a new one.
The longer I stare at those lines, the faster my heart beats and the harder my stomach clenches. I think about all the ways this can go wrong, how having a child witha knownRussian mob boss can destroy my life.
My breath comes faster and faster, my chest growing heavier and tighter, until I can barely breathe.
“Hey.Hey, Clara, look at me.”Emily has a hand on both of my shoulders.“You'rehaving a panic attack. Just breathe. Breathe, Clara.”
My legs give out and I sink to the floor, thetilecool against my cheek, grounding me. My breathing soon slows, though the panic and anxietyremain as I stare at the dusty space under the cabinet.
“Who's the father?” Emily asks. “Please tell me it’s not Dean.”
“It most definitely is notDean.”
Emily lets out a sigh of relief, then chuckles.“Thankgoodness for small miracles.”
But I feel like curling up into a ball as I tell her, “It’s not Dean. It’s worse, so much worse.”
“Whatdo you mean?” I don’t have to look at my best friend to hear the uneasiness in her tone.
“Yousaid it yourself. It's that guy from the night of your bachelorette party. He's the only one I've slept with.”
“Oh,crap. And you still don't know his name or anything about him? I'm sure he'sgone fromthe hotelby now.Listen, you're not going to raise this baby alone. I'm going to be right here with you?—”
