Page 88 of Wicked Shadows
“Okay, looks like we have the room to ourselves. Please have a seat.” He waited until everyone sat before he began. “I’m sorry to tell you all Devon died during the surgery. We did everything we could to stabilize him, but the damage from the two bullets was just too much. We couldn’t repair it fast enough to stop the internal bleeding. I’m very sorry.”
“No! God, please, no!” Elle began screaming. The emotional toll of the past few weeks suddenly took a back seat to the pain rippling through her entire body. “Don’t tell me that. Tell me you got him back. He can’t be gone. It can’t end this way.”
Elle’s father pulled her close to him, and she sobbed into his chest.
“I’m really very sorry. We did everything we could,” the doctor consoled.
“Thank you, Doctor. We’re sure you did. It’s just a hard pill to swallow,” her father replied.
Cries filled the room as the news sank in. He was gone, and they’d never get him back. After everything they’d been through, losing him had never been a thought. It wasn’t ever an option. Facing one of their worst fears collectively but separately was their only bond. Everyone in that room loved Devon and felt the loss in their own way. That feeling of profound bereavement covered Elle like a heavy blanket, threatening to crush her and steal the air from her lungs. The pain was becoming unbearable and only increased with each tick of the clock.
“Can we see him?” someone in the room asked.
“I’m sorry. The federal officers have already taken custody of his body as part of their investigation. They’re collecting evidence and taking pictures of the gunshot wounds. When they finish, I’m sure we can arrange for you to see him.”
“Take me home,” Elle whispered to her father. “Please get me out of here. I can’t take it anymore.” The walls began closing in on her, and she felt as if she were in a shrinking box. If she didn’t leave immediately, the whole world would witness her complete and total breakdown. She needed the privacy of her bedroom to process her feelings and work through them one at a time. For as long as it took.
Sympathetic faces watched her stand and walk toward the door, but she couldn’t stop to address anyone. All her energy and focus were spent on simply putting one foot in front of the other. One step at a time away from the nightmare. One step at a time in a desperate attempt to flee from the pain and heartbreak. One step at time toward a life that would never be the same again.
* * *
The dayof the funeral was harder than the day he died. Elle thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, until the morning she opened her eyes and realized that was the last day she would ever see him. Every night before she fell asleep, she prayed she’d wake up and all the events would fade away, like a bad dream long forgotten. But her prayer hadn’t been answered, and on that day, she had to say goodbye forever.
Goodbye to the only man she’d ever loved.
Goodbye to all the hopes and dreams of their future.
Goodbye to all the lingering questions and doubts that nagged her.
Goodbye to her heart—he’d had it in one way or another since she was a little kid. It was his as much as it was hers, only she didn’t want it anymore.
Tracey, Devon’s mother, had visited Elle at her apartment since Elle refused to leave home. Their conversation replayed through her mind, further driving her aversion to the memorial service.
“Elle, sweetheart, how are you doing?” Tracey sat on the edge of the bed and studied Elle’s appearance and demeanor.
“I should be asking you that, Tracey. This has to be your worst nightmare come true.” Elle covered Tracey’s hand with hers, their bond of mourning sealed.
“It’sourworst nightmare, love. We’ll get through it together.” Tracey smoothed her hair down. “Devon really loved you, ya know?”
“I thought he did,” she replied sadly. “He never said he did, until the day he left me.”
Tracey drew back and furrowed her brow. “Of course he did, Elle. He never brought dates around us. Only you. He never went on vacation with anyone else. Every break he had on his job was spent right here with you. Every decision he made was with you in mind—what you needed, what you wanted, what was best for you. He showed you he loved you with everything he did.”
“And helping my kidnappers? Was that out of love too?”
“There’s actually no greater love than what he did,” Tracey replied with tears streaming down her cheeks. “Which brings me to the other reason why I’m here. This is so hard to say, but I have to. Devon’s wish was to be cremated.”
“I remember him saying that.”
“So, we’ll have an open casket viewing for one hour only. That’s the longest we can do it…since he won’t be embalmed. They’ll take him away for cremation after that, but we’ll still have the chapel. Do you want to stand up and say a few words?”
“Tracey, I’m sorry to let you down, but I can’t speak at his funeral. I can barely make it from here to the shower without becoming hysterical. I’m not even sure how I’ll make it through the service at all.”
“It’s okay.” Tracey hushed her when the oncoming panic attack became obvious. “You don’t have to. I can’t do it either, but I didn’t want to take that opportunity away from you. Our pastor is coming to preside over it.”
Elle forced herself out of bed and into the shower. She moved through the motions of getting dressed—hair, makeup, dress, shoes. But every task only brought her closer to what she didn’t want to do.
“Elle, it’s time to go, honey,” Beth said from her doorway.
