Page 94 of Kidnapped by a Rogue
“Does this mean ye like it?” he asked.
When she nodded with her face buried in his chest, he enfolded her in his arms and kissed her hair.
“I wanted ye to wear your magical onyx for protection, as your mother intended, instead of hiding it in a bag under the mattress,” he said. “The silver adds extra protection from witches and fairies.”
“’Tis the most perfect gift you could ever give me,” she said, and kissed him softly on the lips.
###
This was going well so far. Surely Margaret knew what he meant by this gift.
“I think,” he said, and cleared his throat, “we ought to stop pretending we’re husband and wife.”
“Why?” she asked, her eyes going wide.
In for a penny, in for a pound. “We ought to pledge ourselves. Become truly handfasted.”
Finn held his breath as he waited for her answer. He hoped she was not remembering that he’d offered this once before when he was just desperate to bed her. This time, he meant it. He wanted it with all his heart.
“Ye don’t have to do this just because ye took me to bed,” she said. “That’s no reason.”
“I’m asking because I want to take ye to bed for the rest of my life,” he said. “I want ye to be my wife.”
“We can’t marry,” she said softly, and touched his hand. “I’ll not have ye bind yourself to me.”
Finn felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach.
“But I’m heir to Garty now,” he said, sounding desperate to his own ears. “I can give you a home.”
“A home you don’t want,” she said. “You told your mother you never wanted to see it again.”
“I’d do it for you,” he said, clasping her hands between his. “For you and Ella.”
“You need a wife who can give you children,” she said. “Especially now that you’ll have a title and property, you need heirs, and I can’t give them to you.”
Finn knew what she really meant. He still was not good enough to be her husband. She put it as though she was refusing for his sake, but those were just words. Though she was different in other ways from Curstag and his mother, just like them, she would never willingly accept a husband beneath her.
“And you, Maggie? What doyouneed?” he asked, angry now. “A man to pleasure ye until ye find a husband who can give ye the kind of life ye had before?”
“I don’t need a husband,” she said. “And I want one even less.”
“There is one thing ye do want from me, isn’t there?” He pulled her against him and kissed her hard on the mouth. She melted into him, but he forced himself to release her.
He wanted everything from her—her head on the pillow beside him at night, her smile in the morning, her counsel in times of trouble. And most of all, he wanted her heart.
He wanted it all, and he wanted it every day for as long as he lived. And all she wanted from him was a few nights of passion before leaving him. She could not love him.
###
That had gone terribly wrong. Margaret had not meant to wound Finn’s feelings. She wanted to make him understand why she could not face the pain of marrying again, even to him. Perhaps to him most of all. She could not live through the years of always hoping she would become pregnant—and fearing it at the same time—and then suffering the disappointment, both hers and Finn’s.
Perhaps if Finn knew how hard her miscarriages had been for her, it would help him understand her fears.
“Ye said ye hoped one day I’d trust ye enough to tell ye the whole story of when my pendant was shattered,” she said. “If ye still want to know, I’ll tell ye now.”
He was silent, which she took as an aye. She wrapped a blanket around herself and went to the window to stare out at the sea. Then she began her sorry tale of being caught in Edinburgh during the Battle of the Causeway.
“Everyone knew trouble was brewing,” she said. “I’d wanted to stay home, but William insisted I come with him to the city.”
