Page 81 of Better Off Wed
I tried rolling my hips and heard Gideon’s breath hitch. His back went solid, as if every muscle in his body had seized, so I did it again. Rocked against his cock, taking more of him inside me. He swore again, louder and longer, and then we were doingit.Iwas doing it. I was having penetrative sex with a man—with my husband! A giddy sort of lightheadedness took over, and I couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled out of me.
Gideon pulled back to stare into my eyes, looking utterly awestruck. He rocked into me then bent down and kissed me deep and long. I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck as he murmured in my ear about how good I felt and how hard he was and how he’d been dreaming of this since he saw me.
Then Gideon reached down and hooked his hand under my knee, pulling it up toward my shoulder. I gasped, and Gideon let out a groan unlike anything I’d heard before. It was the sound of pleasure. His hips drove into mine, pushing his cock so deep it stole my breath—and suddenly it was too much.
I scrabbled at Gideon’s back, panic spiking inside me.
“So fucking good,” he slurred, lips brushing my neck, hips rolling into me once more. It burned in a way that was horribly familiar. Pain speared into me, and I let out a whimper as my palms found his shoulders and pushed.
Gideon was off me in an instant. He propped himself above me, eyes wide, wild, and sucked in a hard breath. “You good?”
“No,” I whispered, temples wet with tears.
“Fuck,” he barked, and slid out of me. It burned as he did, and I couldn’t help the mewl that escaped my throat as I curled onto my side. “Why didn’t you say something?” Gideon demanded, taking me in his arms. “Fuck, Sadie!”
Words escaped me. I buried my face in his chest and shook my head. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. So fucking disappointed. Why couldn’t my body justwork?
Because I’d felt how badly Gideon wanted this. Everytremor, every curse, every desperate roll of his hips. All those times we’d had sex before, he’d wantedthis. And I couldn’t give it to him.
Panic seized me, and I forced myself to wipe my eyes before lifting my head. I forced a smile. “It’s fine.”
“I hurt you,” he said. He tried to pull me down to hold me, but I shook my head.
“It’s fine,” I repeated, and Gideon glared at me. “I’m sorry for stopping.”
“I told you to stop me anytime,” he snarled, angry. At me? At himself? I couldn’t tell.
I gulped, then reached down to where he was still hard. “I’ll?—”
“No.”
I pulled my hand away from him, hurt. He didn’t even want me to touch him now. I hadn’t been able to have sex with him, and now he was angry. Pulling away. Recalculating how much sacrifice it would take to be with me. Reassessing whether he really wantedthisfor the rest of his life.
My breath hitched, and then Gideon’s arms were around me. He held me as I sobbed. As I tried to push him away. As I finally gave up and wet his chest with my tears. Finally, when the storm of emotion had passed, I found the courage to look up at his face.
He met my gaze calmly.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“For what, Sadie?”
“For stopping,” I said, like it was obvious.
His scowl was deep, and it oddly made me feel better. “Itold you to stop me,” he repeated in a growl. “How many times do I have to say it?”
“But…” I wouldnotcry again. I bit my lip. “But you wanted to keep going.”
“Not likethat. Not when I was fuckinghurtingyou.”
“But you were enjoying yourself, and?—”
“You think Ilikedcausing you pain?” He was angry now, cheeks flushed red, muscles stone hard where they held me. “You think a fucking orgasm is worththat?”
I was at a loss. Because yes, history had taught me that my previous partners’ orgasmshadbeen worth the cost of my pain. Why would Gideon be any different?
Gideon must have seen how hard I was fighting my tears, because he clicked his tongue and gathered me in his arms. He held me until I softened, and until I finally fell asleep.
But deep in my heart, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the beginning of the end.
