Page 121 of Speechless
“But…” Most things had been sexual in our dynamic so far. I could understand why this could be confusing.
Kneeling in front of her, I skimmed my hands up her legs beneath her robe so I could feel her. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“No. I just didn’t expect you to brush my hair. I can do it myself.”
“I know you can. I want to.”
“Oh.”
I sat on the bed behind her—the stocks at the end were put away—and pulled off my shirt so I was only in my sweats. Slowly, I removed the towel from her hair and started brushing the ends. Trinity had picked a show about how things were made. This one showed how the perfect swirl of frosting on top of store-bought cupcakes was achieved.
Trinity fidgeted a little, unable to stay still. I stilled my movements. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I just need to say that this isn’t necessary for an apology. It’s okay.”
I kept brushing her hair slowly, moving higher up the strands. “Is that why you think I’m brushing your hair? To apologize?”
“Is it not?”
“Hmm, not in the way you might think.” Her gentle silence was an invitation to continue. “I meant it when I apologized, and you accepted that. I’m fucking grateful for it. I could keep saying I’m sorry, because I am, but going back and forth in a cycle of apologizing and forgiving isn’t helpful.
“But even with the apology, neither of us can pretend that today didn’t happen. Believe me, I wish that we could. I want to take care of you, Rin. I always want to take care of you, but especially today.” My voice was lower now. “I still want you to feel safe with me.”
She turned and tackled me backward onto the bed. In seconds, she was wrapped so thoroughly around me that I had no choice but to hold her right back. Fuck, she felt good. “Rin?”
“I always feel safe with you.” Her voice was teary. “That’s why I was so devastated. You all make me feel so safe, and I was losing that. I didn’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose you.”
My purr started without me consciously deciding. “You’ll never lose me,” I whispered.
She relaxed against me for a while. A few tears made it to my skin, but I didn’t react. Trinity didn’t have to hide anything from me. She was allowed to feel what she felt, and I would hold her while she did.
Simply holding someone as a method of healing was underrated. The simple pleasure of knowing they were safe and calm, your bodies listening to each other.
Trinity took a deeper breath. “When I say you don’t have to, I don’t want you guys to think that you have to pamper me for me to stay. Like you said, I meant it when I forgave you, even if you’re right and it hurts for a while. You don’t have to suddenly bend over backwards or… I don’t know.”
Sitting us back up, I moved us back to where I could continue to brush her hair, though it was much drier now. “Do you like having it brushed?”
“It’s not necessary.”
“That’s not what I asked, baby.”
Her shoulders rose and fell. When she spoke, I barely heard her. “Yeah. It feels really nice.”
I rose up and kissed the top of her head. “Then I’m going to say this in the gentlest way I can. There isn’t a trophy for being the Omega who needs the least.”
The small intake of breath told me the words landed.
“It’s okay to accept things that are offered. It’s okay to ask for things you enjoy. It’s okay to need things. It’s okay to want things. Let us decide what we’re willing to do. If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s a different conversation. But there’s nothing wrong with being who you are. You shouldn’t have to make yourself smaller or less for anyone. Especially not us.”
“I… hadn’t thought about it that way.”
“I hope you do. Because we haven’t really had the chance yet, but we want to spoil you.”
She ducked her head. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
I brushed her hair until it was straight and nearly dry. She was leaning into each stroke. Putting the brush aside, I put my hands on both her shoulders, massaging gently.
It wasn’t late enough to go to bed. Not truly. But there wasn’t anywhere else I wanted to be with her. “I know it’s not time for bed, but we’re going to stay here,” I told her. “They’ll bring us food and anything else.”
