Page 75 of Road Trip to the Riviera
‘Can you though?’ I ask, wishing instantly I hadn’t let myself say it.
She glares at me and I can feel myself shrivel in the intensity of her death stare.
‘I mean…’ I stumble. ‘I know you two find it… difficult sometimes.’
‘Yes, well. Families can be complicated.’ She turns a page but she’s not fooling me, she hasn’t read a word on the last one.
‘But they don’t need to be.’
‘In all honesty, Hal, you’re hardly in a position to talk.’
‘Aren’t I? Well, how come I have a great relationship with my parents? And Louis and I are pretty good. And Sarah; bearing in mind she’s my ex and most people can’t spend any time with someone they used to date without having a screaming match, I think I’m doing pretty well.’
She huffs, crosses her arms. But I sense impending victory.
‘And it’s more than that,’ I say, sitting down on the edge of the lounger next to her. She regards me with one eye, eyebrow raised. ‘I can see what it’s doing to Sarah, to you. And like it or not, I am family?—’
She opens her mouth to protest, and I hold up a hand. To my astonishment, she closes it and seems to be waiting for me to continue.
‘Yes, I know I didn’t marry Sarah. But we share a child. I’m Louis’s father, you’re Louis’s grandmother. We’re connected whether you like it or not. And things between you and Sarah… well, they affect him. And her. And so they affect me.’
She lays her book on her lap and folds her arms. ‘OK, Mr Family Expert. So what do I do to make things better?’
This is unexpected and suddenly my words desert me. ‘Ah, um, well…’ I say. ‘Well, you could talk to each other. Properly, I mean.’
‘Talking is what got us into this mess.’
I shake my head. ‘But you and Sarah. You don’t talk. Not really. You kind of… skate around stuff. Like, do you know how hurt she was when you went to France?’
Vivian looks ready to speak again. But I plough on.
‘No, you don’t. And it’s not your fault. How could you know if she never told you?’
‘Well, quite! That girl never?—’
‘And how was Sarah supposed to know that you felt lonely out here?’
‘Hal 184. I amnotlonely! I’ll have you know I have plenty of things to keep me occupied here. And lots of friends too.’
‘Yeah, those things are great. But they don’t stop you from being lonely.’
‘So suddenly you’re a counsellor as well as an IT expert?’ she snaps.
‘No. But I happen to know a lot about being alone. Think about it: I work for myself, always have. I’m rubbish at relationships. Yes, I’ve got my parents, but they’re in Essex. I only see them a couple of times a month. And they’re getting older. It’s not… things are shifting in our relationship there. I know a lot about loneliness. BecauseI’mlonely. OK?Iam.’
I’m not sure where the words are coming from, but it strikes me that every single one is true. I’d never have described myself as lonely before. But something about spending time with Sarah and then finding she was ditching me for the return trip has left me realising what I’m missing out on. A bit like putting on a winter jumper, then taking it off again and missing its softness and warmth.
‘Oh, Hal. I am sorry.’ She reaches a hand towards me, perhaps aiming for my leg. We both look at it and she thinks better, withdrawing it.
‘Don’t be. This isn’t about me, not right now. This is about you. How is Sarah supposed to know you miss her if you don’t tell her?’
‘I—’ she begins but I stop her.
‘Come on, Vivian. Of course you miss her. You miss your family. Seriously? You missed people so much that when your grandson came for a holiday, you ended up paying for an impromptu wedding, just to get people to visit.’
She colours, drops her head and I feel a sympathy I never thought I’d be able to muster for Sarah’s mum, the woman I’ve been terrified of for years.
‘So talk to her,’ I say. ‘Just tell her how you feel. Maybe she’ll do the same. And you know, what have you got to lose?’
