Page 29 of Shatter
“He can’t touch you now,” Xaiden said quietly, close enough that he was speaking more to the back of Dawson’s head than to the room. “Not without dragging the entire firm into the light with him. Every move he makes now leaves a trail. You’re free, Dawson.”
The word sat between them.
Free had always been a logistical term in Xaiden’s world. Free building. Free perimeter. Free pursuit. A status update. It did not feel like a status update now. It felt like something being handed over carefully, with both hands.
Dawson’s weight shifted. Slowly, as if testing the physics of it, he leaned back against Xaiden’s chest. Not a collapse. Dawson did not collapse. His body negotiated everything. But it was a real resting of weight, one person trusting another to hold it. Xaiden brought his arms around from behind and held him there, forearms crossed low across Dawson’s chest, his chin near Dawson’s temple.
The silence that followed was not the silence of the manor. That silence had always been pressurized, a held breath inside a house full of listening equipment and people waiting for someone to make a mistake. This silence had room in it. It moved with the roll of the boat and the steady engine and went all the way to open water without hitting a wall.
Xaiden breathed.
At the table, Lyle looked up once and registered them, the two of them standing in the center of the cramped cabin, Xaiden’s arms around Dawson, neither speaking. Something in his expression tightened briefly, then he looked back at the screen. Through the wheelhouse glass, Julian’s silhouette held steady at the wheel, navigating by an internal compass that had nothing to do with any of them.
The boat pushed out. Behind them, somewhere in the gray distance, Point Arena disappeared.
Julian brought the trawler around the headland on the seaward side, threading past Devil’s Throat with the easy economy of a man who had done this in worse conditions and darker water. From here Xaiden could feel the current through the hull, the trawler’s weight meeting something massive and indifferent moving the opposite direction, a long shudder traveling from keel to deck. Julian held the wheel steady without visible effort. His hands knew the character of this water.
Xaiden stood in the cabin doorway with one hand on the frame and watched the cliff face come into view from theseaward side. He studied the coastline where the estate sat, the glass walk, the bluff trails he had run every morning at 0500 to burn off the coiled energy of a man built for action and assigned to stillness.
He had never seen it from out here. The great glass boxes of Dawson’s studio caught the last of the pre-dawn dark and reflected it back. Three stories of reflective silica suspended over a chasm. From this angle it looked exactly like what it was. Not a workspace. Not a home. A cage with excellent light.
He watched it shrink to a jagged tooth on the cliff edge, and then the trawler rounded the promontory and it was gone.
Open Pacific.
Dark water in every direction.
The horizon was still hard to separate from the sky, just a thin line where one ended and the other began. North, south, west, nothing. No cliffs. No glass. No cameras. No one who knew their names.
There was a narrow strip of deck along the cabin on the port side, shielded from the worst of the wind by the roof overhang. A few minutes that belonged to them.
Xaiden turned Dawson toward him.
Salt spray had left Dawson’s face bright and raw, the cold working his skin until even in the gray light Xaiden could see the color along his cheekbones and across the bridge of his nose. His ash-blond hair had given up entirely to the wind, every careful arrangement gone, and without it his face looked more exposed, younger and more present than it ever had behind the glass walls of the studio.
Xaiden lifted both hands and took Dawson’s face between them.
The surface of his skin was cold from spray and wind, but along his jaw and at his temples there was warmth, living heat under his hands. His thumbs settled just below Dawson’scheekbones and he took a slow inventory of the face in front of him. Flint-gray eyes. The slightly crooked line of his mouth, less guarded out here, settling into something softer that was not quite a smile but lived in the same territory.
“Where do you want to go?” Xaiden asked.
He had asked that question for twenty years and it had always meant something logistical. Where do you want to go so I can calculate the route. Where do you want to go so I can plan the extraction. It did not mean that now. He was asking because he did not know, and because not knowing, for the first time in his life, did not feel like failure.
Dawson looked at him with that searching focus Xaiden had come to recognize as his real way of seeing, the look that moved past surfaces to the structure underneath. His gaze moved over Xaiden’s face the way his eyes moved over an unfamiliar specimen, taking stock of what was actually there rather than what he expected to find.
“Inland,” Dawson said. His voice was quiet and direct. “Somewhere the trees don’t bow to the wind.” He paused, and Xaiden could feel the small shift of his jaw under his hands as he ordered his thoughts. “Somewhere I can paint something that isn’t a map.”
It was the most Dawson thing he had ever heard him say.
“I’ll take you,” Xaiden said.
He meant it as a promise and did not dress it up as anything else. He lowered his head and pressed his mouth to Dawson’s forehead. The skin there was cold and tasted faintly of salt.
Then he kissed his eyes, one and then the other, the thin skin of his eyelids, Dawson going very still under this particular stillness, the stillness of a man being given something he had not expected and deciding whether he could afford to accept it. Then his mouth.
The kiss was slow and unhurried, the kind that happened when adrenaline had finally burned out of the bloodstream and there was nothing left to do but be where you were.
Dawson’s hands came up and gripped the front of Xaiden’s jacket, not pulling him closer, just holding on, locating him. Xaiden kept his hands where they were, thumbs along Dawson’s jaw, and stayed there while the boat moved under them and the wind moved around them and the Pacific ran in every direction at once.
