Page 171 of Spicy Ever After
But knowing that I haven’t left the nest and hearing that there’s a name—hell, half a dozen names—for it hits me like a sledgehammer.
Heat climbs my face.
Growing up, I got used to labels. The clinical ones: Autistic. ASD. On the spectrum. Neurodivergent. High-functioning. The slang ones: Neurospicy. Autie. Aspie. Autastic. The cruel ones: Autarded. Rainman.
But this is a whole new deluge of labels to absorb. A rogue wave of shame.
It nearly knocks me off my chair.
God, I don’t want to cry in front of these people.
Gwen studies me. “Hattie, do you want to share what you’re thinking?”
My mouth works soundlessly for a second. “P-pass.”
The tiny word works like a magic spell. Gwen immediately shifts the group’s attention to Olympia. She asks the girl how her first full week has been.
I don’t really hear her response over the roaring in my ears, but one thought does penetrate.
Olympia has only been here a week.
And when she talks about her experience, she sounds new to it. Like she’s still getting used to the program. The sessions. The other residents.
I catch her glancing at Sadie when she makes this observation.
Okay, maybe I’m going to like Olympia too.
“I’m really glad I did the career assessments,” Olympia says quietly. She keeps her gaze on the floor in front of Gwen, but once she begins, Olympia has a lot to say. “It was a boring two days, but I learned a lot about myself… I wasn't expecting that librarian would be a career match for me, but the more I think about it, the more the idea is growing on me.”
She’s soft spoken and plain, but when a shy smile transforms her face, the emotions rioting in me pipe down just a little.
Because I’m curious.
“So, yesterday, after individual therapy, I walked to City College Library.” She keeps her eyes downcast, but her smile warms. “It’s only a mile away. Traffic was a little noisy, but I wore my Soundcores, and as soon as I stepped through the library doors, it was like the rest of the world disappeared.”
Olympia looks up for a moment, and I’m not the only one smiling at her.
“I realized I hadn’t been inside a library for at least two years, even though I used the one at school as a sanctuary. It smelled so good… like stories and safety… I sat down by the reference desk and just watched the librarians for like an hour.”
I swear, the look on her face—it’s the one I make winding my bobbin.
“I looked it up. You need a master’s degree to be a real librarian, but you don’t need any special qualifications to be a library assistant.” Olympia shrugs. “Maybe if I tried a job like that, I’d feel like going back to school would be worth it.”
I might as well be rooted to my chair. I mean, being a librarian would be boring as hell, but for someone who needs quiet and order and purpose…
Purpose.
God, I want that.
And feeling like school is worth it? I’d give my eyebrows for that.
I won’t take my career assessments until next week, but now I’m not dreading them. I might even be a little excited.
But I’ll keep that to myself for now.
It’s not like I’m going to give Mom and Dad any updates. Even if I do get something out of being here.
It’s nothing compared to what I might lose.
