Page 95 of Shelter
Me:I’m sorry. You don’t. Forget I said that.
My apology was sincere,but it felt like I had a cauldron of emotions bubbling up from my chest, and remorse was only one of them. My bitterness had been just as sincere. As was a startling anger. And a fear so nebulous, I could only taste it on my tongue. Followed by this devastating elation at the reality of talking to him again.
Well, texting anyway.
And then there was the muddiness about talking to him.Him, him.The real human being as opposed to the ideal. Ideals didn’t make you feel twelve different emotions at once. Ideals stuck with three. Four, tops. Anticipation. Lust. Adoration. Gratitude. That was enough, right?
But this? I couldn’t keep up.
Cole:Can I call you?
I frowned.
Me:When?
His response was immediate.
Cole:Right now?
I nearly chokedon my tongue. Um, that was going to be a hard no. Texting was safe. He couldn’t hear the tremor in my breathing, and I could make as many false starts as I needed.
Me:Not really a good time right now. Still at work.
Cole: What time do you get off?
I scoffed my indignation.I hadn’t heard from him in eight years, and he thought he could just demand my hours? My thumbs flew over the screen, and I jabbed the send button.
Me:When the job is done.
Cole: What job is it today? Could you send me a picture?
This time my jaw fell.This was definitely not ideal.
Although, I had to admit, it was all Cole. The memory of him in my bedroom, snooping through my jewelry basket lit up my mind like tracer fire. In that moment, I had to consider the possibility that my ideal man — the Cole I thought I’d remembered — might have been a tad…idealized.
Me:No. It’s not ready. I’m waiting on the casting compound to dry.
The timeron my phone went off. So much for waiting.
Cole:Then send me a picture of that.
I frowned.
Me:What? The casting flask???
I feltmy frown soften and the corners of my mouth turn up.
Cole:Yes. Send me a picture.
A short laugh escaped me.What the hell. I lifted my phone and snapped a picture of the flask. It looked like a coffee can full of… well… plaster.
Me:Here it is. Very exciting.
I sentthe picture along with my sarcastic caption.
Cole:Darn.
“Darn?”I said aloud, then realized I was now talking to myself, and felt a little crazy.
